Page 16 of Dare to Live
Her lips trembled. “So you’re saying we’re done?”
I sighed heavily before clenching my teeth. I would die a quick death if I ever lost Lacey. She’d been my rock since I’d met her. I couldn’t imagine life without her. But if kids and a big family wasn’t something she wanted, then I wasn’t sure what I would do.
“You’ve always said you wanted kids, Lace. Why the shift in that?”
She puffed out air. “I do want kids, Kade. But I also want to play baseball. I’ve worked my ass off to get where I am today. You know as well as I do that the older I get, the fewer chances I’ll have to play ball. I can’t take off a year or two to have a baby and then expect to return and pick up where I left off. Teams wouldn’t support that or sign me.”
I locked my jaw. “Do you want to have a baby at forty years old?” My voice was no longer calm but shaky. “And we decided on at least four kids. When will that happen?”
A tear slid down her cheek. “I don’t know. I just don’t know.”
Silence filled the spacious kitchen as she stared at the counter and I stared at her.
Thunder crashed, followed by the crack of lightning.
My gut twisted in several directions at the thought that she would pick baseball. I would die instantly if she did. Sure, I was being dramatic. But I loved the woman more than I loved anyone else or anything in this fucking world.
It’s simple, man. If she picks baseball, then she doesn’t want a family.
That scared the fuck out of me. Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. I felt as though fire streamed down my throat and burned a hole in my stomach.
I needed air… or a shot of hard liquor. I wasn’t one to drown my sorrows or problems in booze like Marcus. But I was beginning to realize maybe booze was the key. My way of channeling my emotions had been working on old cars, which I rarely did. I’d barely had time for much as a teenager. I’d been the brother and son who took care of my siblings and mom. I’d been the one to shove all the pain and heartache down a dark hole and lock it up tightly. If I were being honest, Lacey had been my outlet. She’d been the one to make my heart whole again. But at that moment while we were both in our own heads, my heart fucking hurt.
“I need some time alone,” she whispered, still not meeting my gaze. “I’m going to see my dad.” She started to walk out.
I rushed up to her and cocooned her in my arms. No way was she walking away from me.
She struggled to get free, albeit weakly.
“Lace, please don’t break my heart.” My voice cracked.
She stiffened and looked up at me with so much turmoil swirling in those meadow-green eyes that I thought I would lose my shit right then and there.
“I’ll be back later tonight.” She pushed out of my hold and left, taking my heart with her.
Chapter 7
Lacey
Icurled up on a chair in the sunroom, listening to the rain pitter-patter on the glass roof, a sound that was soothing. I let my mind wander as I stared out into the backyard.
The copse of trees swayed from side to side.
Thunder boomed.
Lightning split the sky.
Suddenly, déjà vu hit me out of nowhere. I couldn’t help but remember the time I’d sat in that very room with a thunderstorm in full gear, brooding over a fight I’d had with Kade. Back then, I’d been so angry with him, just like I was now. He’d made me so darn mad thinking I would leave him, and I couldn’t see past that. I was also confused and angry with myself. I didn’t want to break his heart.
I tried to put myself in his shoes, but if he were playing baseball, we wouldn’t be arguing over when we would start a family. Sure, I wanted kids, but I also wanted to play ball.
Argh!
I would ruin my marriage if I didn’t come to a decision. But if I did what I wanted, then I had a strong feeling that Kade wasn’t going to hang around.
Nonsense. The man loves you to death. The man would die for you. You just have to come to a mutual decision. Maybe if the Triple-A team is interested, then only sign a one-year contract.
Surely, Kade would agree to extend our plans by one more year. The problem, though, was that I knew myself. I knew if I played, I wouldn’t want to stop.
