Page 2 of Dare to Embrace
“No, it’s my turn to talk.”If I don’t, you’ll be naked in the span of a minute.
She crossed her legs and gave me her full attention.
“You said some things that day in my theater room that I’ve been turning over and over in my head. I know the pain from the death of a loved one. I also know how far you’ve come in the six months we’ve been together. I’m not perfect either. We’ll both have nightmares and memories of our turmoil. But, Lace, I don’t have PTSD. I’m learning about the symptoms and how to support you. I want to protect you from everything, including your PTSD. I know I can’t. I know it’s up to you to heal. I also know I need to support you and not shut you out.” I exhaled. “Baby, please, never for one second believe that I think you’re pathetic. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way and for everything else.” My practiced speech came out easily.
She folded the corners of the pages of her chemistry book. Her eyes were downcast. A brittle silence dangled.
Say something. Anything.The quietness drove the nausea to churn inside my stomach.
“It’s…” Her voice broke. “This is hard for me.” She kept her eyes on her book.
My pulse went into overdrive. I’d so fucked up. My heart skipped several beats. I couldn’t lose this girl.
She lifted her soft green eyes, worrying her bottom lip. “I have so much going on that I don’t know how to process it all. I could be in danger. I have a new family, albeit a mob family. I have baseball. I want that baseball scholarship to ASU. I have an illness that stops me in my tracks and causes others to freak out along with me. I don’t want anyone’s pity or sympathy. The only way I can do that is to tackle a couple of things at a time.” She pushed out all the air in her lungs as her cheeks puffed.
Please don’t say it. Please don’t say it.I was squeezing the energy out of every one of my muscles.
“But…” She held my gaze. “I know you’re sorry. I know you love me. But until my other problems are behind me, I can’t work on a relationship. I just can’t.”
“So that’s it? You’re breaking up with me?”
Her shoulder came up to her ear. “I guess. I guess I am.”
Maiken snapped his fingers, shattering the memory of when I’d walked into Lacey’s bedroom seven years ago. “You checked out, man.”
I blinked. “Sorry. What were you saying?”
He picked at the skin on one of his fingers. “Sex.”
My eyes widened. “You two broke up because of sex?” I didn’t mean to sound surprised.
He lifted his head quickly. “Oh no. We didn’t break up.”
I relaxed my features. Quinn was a great girl, and she was good for Maiken. He seemed happy with her in his life.
So he wanted to talk sex. Since his father had passed, I’d become his mentor of sorts, which I enjoyed unless I was bailing him or any of his siblings out of the principal’s office at Kensington High.
“I’m listening.” I wasn’t sure I could give him much advice on the topic other than to make sure he practiced safe sex.
“I think Quinn and I are ready, but what if I don’t please her? What if it’s not what I thought sex would be? Or if afterwards, she doesn’t want anything to do with me?”
I rubbed my chin, dipping back to my first time having sex with a girl in the tenth grade. We’d both wanted to get our first time out of the way. We hadn’t been in love either. I couldn’t recall, though, if I’d been expecting much. Actually, I’d been too nervous to think that night. Afterward, the girl and I had laughed at how weird the experience had been.
“Did you feel apprehensive with Lacey?” Maiken asked. “I don’t want details, just…” His attention was fixated on me like I had all the answers.
I studied his desperate plea for advice. I never thought I would be giving anyone pointers on sex, at least not until Lacey and I had our own kids. Even then I wasn’t sure what I would tell my son or daughter. Although if we had girls, I would kill the fucker who dared to put his hands on my baby girl.
Maiken tapped on the island counter. “Man, it looks like you’ve seen a ghost. It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about sex.”
Blinking, I chuckled. “It’s cool. My first time with a chick was awkward. I’m not going to lie. But I wasn’t in love with her.”
“You mean Lacey wasn’t your first?” Horror etched his tone.
“No, and I wasn’t her first either. But we didn’t meet until our senior year. Look, Maiken, I suggest you and Quinn talk about your feelings before you have sex. Make sure you’re both ready. And above all else, practice safe sex. You and her have a future to think about with college.”
“Do you think she’s on the pill?” he asked, sounding like his question was directed at himself rather than me. “Don’t answer that. I’m so nervous. But it’s getting to the point that anytime I’m around her, I want to…”
“I get it,” I said. “Believe me, when you’re in love with someone, that feeling of wanting to lock yourself in a room with her is always there.”Like now.I checked the time again.
