Page 55 of Crazy for You
He shrugged out of my hold, padded over to the cluster of rocks, and sat.
I dropped my bag. “Colton, what is it?” He needed to let go of whatever demon had its claws into him. I’d learned that from my therapist after Mom died.
I knelt in front of him, my knees digging into sharp pebbles, but I didn’t care. “Your dad?”
He leaned his elbows on his thighs, his hair cocooning his face. “I can’t talk about it.”
“You can tell me, Colton,” I said softly. “Get it off your chest. I promise what you say stays between us.” Maybe he was worried I would tell Georgia and Mia. I tucked his hair behind his ear. “Colton.” I tapped on his chin. “Look at me, please.”
When he did, I wasn’t prepared to see tears in his eyes. My heart bloomed and hurt at the same time. I felt honored that he was comfortable enough to show me his true feelings and also gutted that whatever was plaguing him was tearing him apart.
Georgia’s advice was a soft cadence in my head.“Let the silence direct you. Let the space between you and him speak louder than words ever could. He needs a friend.”
I climbed to my feet and sat next to him, hooking my arm in his. When he was ready, he would tell me, or maybe he wouldn’t. Either way, I was showing him I was there for him no matter what, and regardless of how I felt for him, first and foremost, I wanted to be his friend.
His shoulders shook, and I rubbed his back up, then down in what I hoped was a soothing kind of way.
He sighed, the frustration coming out in a long, audible sound. “I killed my brother, Skyler.”
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My hand stopped midway up his back. I was afraid to ask him to repeat those words, yet not sure I really heard him.
“I killed my brother.” That time, he spoke louder.
“No, you didn’t.” I didn’t believe it for a minute. The sea was unpredictable.
He cried a little harder. “I did. I sure as fuck did.”
I resumed rubbing his back, and that time, the motion of my hand was more for me than for him as my brain scrambled to find the right words to say. I was going out on a limb. “Your dad blames you.” It wasn’t a question but a revelation for me. The reason why his dad beat him. The reason why his dad drank. Maybe even the reason why his parents had shipped him off to private school.
His head moved up and down.
“Tell me about Josh,” I said quietly.
He pushed off the rocks, gripping the back of his opposite arm, looking at the water. “He was the best brother I could have. He loved surfing, skateboarding, sports in general.”
“He was younger than you, right?” I remembered the dates on his headstone.
Colton dropped down on the sand and hugged his knees to his chest. “Yeah, by two years, yet he thought he was the older brother.”
I snuggled up next to him. “He liked skateboarding, huh? Sounds like my kind of guy.”
His gaze drifted out to sea, grinning, no doubt thinking of Josh. “I hate the water now. I haven’t surfed since that fatal day. I replay the scene over and over and over. I haven’t been able to sleep through the night since his death. I live his death every goddamned day. And now that I’m home, I’m reminded of how much of a fuck-up I really am.”
I slid my hand under his arm to rest on his inner thigh. “It wasn’t your fault.”
His biceps bunched. “It was, Skyler. I was supposed to watch him. I was supposed to make sure he was safe. What did I do? I fell asleep on the fucking blanket while my brother was drowning.”
I swallowed thickly, tears ready to spill.
Growing up in a beach town, I knew locals didn’t surf where the public did, and that meant no lifeguards.
As if Colton knew what I was thinking, he continued. “We were down three miles that way.” He pointed to another private beach area where another row of mansions resided. “The waves were better, bigger. Josh wanted to surf so bad that day. I didn’t. I’d been tired from a week of hell at football practice. My mom begged me to take him. So I did. I surfed with him for a bit. Then my legs were burning, and I was spent.” He paused, tears pooling in his eyes. Then he licked his lips. “We both came in, although he protested. At thirteen, he had more energy than the Energizer Bunny. We ate sandwiches Mom had packed for us that day. Then I laid on my towel. Told Josh to stay put. Since we had just eaten, we both needed to rest before going back in.” A lone tear cascaded down his cheek. “I don’t know what made me wake up. I think it was the thunder rolling in. But when I did, the sky was dark, the waves were higher than normal, and I couldn’t find Josh anywhere. He was a pretty good surfer and knew how to swim, of course, but no amount of expertise can save you from the power of the ocean. Funny how Mother Nature takes a turn on a dime and life changes instantly.”
I blinked away my own tears.
He sucked his lips in. “I dove in the water, not even thinking straight. I swam and swam and swam. But it got me nowhere with the way the ocean was tossing and turning. I almost drowned, myself.”
