Page 91 of Undeniable
The issue with Shane would be behind me. Football practice was gearing up after a tense bye week. So I wanted to work out my demons on the field. Maybe by Wednesday, my head would be crystal clear. I also needed to put the outline together. I had all the pieces to do so. I just needed to organize everything into a cohesive format she would understand.
Mazzie
See you at eleven on Wednesday.
While a large part of me was completely and utterly panicked, a small part was beginning to warm to the idea of a little rug rat running around. A tiny human I could teach to throw a football, even if the baby turned out to be a girl.
31
Mazzie
The fluorescent lights of the visitors’ room at the Lakemont County Jail buzzed overhead and cast a sickly glow that made the people waiting to see their loved ones appear yellow and ill. Maybe it wasn’t due to the lighting but rather the antiseptic smell mixed with a musty odor that hung in the air. The scent was definitely making me queasy, or maybe it was the start of morning sickness.
Christ, I was pregnant. I’d spent last night pouring out my feelings in a journal, the words tumbling out faster than I could write them. Jotting down my thoughts had always been my way of untangling the mess in my head, especially when I was facing a monumental decision. Accident or not, the baby would be born out of love. Pure, unadulterated love.
As Kaylee and I waited to see our mom, I texted Lucas. I wasn’t expecting much from him since it had been less than twenty-four hours since I’d told him I was pregnant. He’d reacted the way I had thought he would—angry, scared, and shocked. How could he not? I was feeling the same way. But this was my fault, and the guilt was eating at me worse than anything.
I’d had four days to reel in my thoughts and feelings. One fear I had was of Lucas running from me and not looking back. Washing his hands of me and what I was about to face. I wouldn’t blame him. I’d told him I was sure I didn’t want him to wear a condom.
Like me, my mom had carried guilt during both of her pregnancies. She’d sworn she’d been religious about taking her birth control pills, blaming the antibiotics she’d taken around the time she’d slept with my dad. With Kaylee, the story was hazier. Mom’s alcohol consumption often made her forget to do things.
Regardless, here I was, dealing with the same situation my mother had. I was my mother’s daughter. I would like to think that I wasn’t anything like her, but she had fight in her. She could’ve chosen to terminate Kaylee and me, but she hadn’t.
The noises coming from the game Kaylee was playing on her phone slowly yanked me from my thoughts.
“Do you think Mom will be okay?” Kaylee glanced up from her game.
I reached over and grabbed her hand. “I hope so.”
I was anxious to see my mother. She could always read me well, and with my puffy face from all the crying I’d been doing, she would know something was terribly wrong.
“And you? You’ve been sad for the last couple of days. Did you and Lucas break up? Please tell me you haven’t. I really like him.”
I gave her a warm smile. “Lucas and I are great.” I couldn’t tell her I was pregnant, not yet. Not until I could make sense of it, anyway.
“Then why are you sad?”
I leaned closer to her to whisper. “I’m trying to work something out. Once I do, I will tell you everything. But not to worry. Okay?”
I’d spent years trying to be my sister’s stable rock, the responsible one who had it all figured out. Here I was falling into the same shoes as our mom. Truth be told, the more I thought about telling Kaylee, the more afraid I became. It wasn’t that I thought I would fail her but that I was a liar and imposter. I was perpetuating the same cycle as our mother. Pregnant, working multiple jobs, barely keeping my head above water—just like Mom had early on in my childhood.
“As long as you’re not going to tell me I have to move out of the Armstrong house.”
I tapped her on the nose. “That won’t be happening.”
Come to think of it, I might have to move out. I couldn’t burden Mrs. Armstrong with my pregnancy. The door opening echoed through the visitors’ room, stopping the spiral that was about to consume me.
Kaylee and I perked up. Three women entered and found their families. A guard held the door open, but no other inmates appeared.
For a split second, my heart plummeted at the thought that our mother wasn’t coming. She’d been very clear that she didn’t want Kaylee and I visiting her.
“Maybe she doesn’t want to see us.” Kaylee hugged herself, hurt draining the color from her face.
I was ready to check with the guard when our mother walked in, dressed in tan scrubs. Her brown eyes were clear, and gone was her ashen skin.
She beamed when she saw us, looking as though she’d spent several days at a spa.
“It’s good to see you both.” Mom gave each of us a hug, which was allowed at the start of visits and at the end.
