Page 98 of Undeniable
As he pulled out his notebook, pen, and laptop, I studied this new version of him—jaw relaxed, shoulders loose, radiating a confidence I’d never seen before.
I was the opposite. I’d been nervous about the prospect of seeing him. It had been five days since I told him I was pregnant. Five days since our world had turned upside down. During that time, I’d been worried about which way Lucas was leaning about my pregnancy. I’d never been more thankful for having a job. Working had been an outlet, an excuse to do anything but think. Plus, I’d been cramming like mad for my biochem exam, which had been the day before.
He turned his chair toward me then sat down. “I’ve missed you.”
I angled my chair and sat so that I was facing him. “Me too.”
So many times during the past few days, I’d almost knocked on his door. So many times, I’d nearly called his number. But we’d both needed time apart to think.
“It’s quiet here.” He scanned the manicured backyard and pool.
“Kaylee is in school, Bailey has a class, Bailey’s dad is working, and her mom is at lunch with her friends. So no interruptions.”
He fixated on something in the yard. Maybe he was thinking back to his birthday party when we’d fallen into the pool.
“Is your dad doing okay?” I asked.
“He’s out of the hospital and staying with my mom. She’s taking him to a rehab facility tomorrow.”
My eyes widened slightly. “You sound like you’re okay with your dad now.”
He scooted closer so our knees were a thread apart. “Not entirely. I’m optimistically cautious, though. Time will tell if he shapes up. But I have my own life to live, and I can’t take on his problems anymore. Paying off his debt was the last of it.”
I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Is he the reason you look different? Chill.”
I was anything but that. I was itching to chew every one of my nails down to the nubs. I needed to get the elephant out of the room, so to speak. But I didn’t want to start the conversation. I felt he needed to share his thoughts first. Not that his decision about the pregnancy would affect mine. Rather, I didn’t want my feelings to affect his. I needed to see his raw emotions and hear his reasoning on whatever he’d decided.
He half smiled. “I’ve come to several conclusions about where we go from here. Where I go from here.” He reached out to touch my legs but then retreated. “You okay if I touch you?”
I leaned toward him, confusion twisting my features. “Of course. I love you. You don’t need permission.”
He placed his warm hands on my knees and sighed. “You didn’t want me near you?—”
I twined my fingers in his. “I needed space before I told you I was pregnant.”
I thought he would flinch at the word pregnant.
He grinned instead. “I want this baby, Midnight.”
I angled my head. “You do?” I’d honestly thought he was about to say he would accept whatever decision I made, leaving the burden solely on me. “Why?” My pulse was racing. Part nerves. Part excitement.
He traced circles on the back of my hand. “First, I love you. Two, life—no matter if it’s in you or out here—is precious. Three, we can’t terminate your pregnancy because we’re not ready. We might never be prepared for a kid. Four, we can’t let fear about our futures drive our decisions. If I get a football contract, great. If not, I’ll find a job. I’m not leaving you, regardless of a child or not.” He paused, and his Adam’s apple moved up and down. “Unless you want to go separate ways or terminate the pregnancy. I don’t want to assume anything here.”
As he’d talked, my racing pulse had slowed. He was making me feel calm even though we were talking about a life together. I wanted a family but years from now after I finally had medical school behind me.
The breeze stirred the leaves on the oak trees, and a lawn mower droned in the distance as I inhaled deeply.
“I keep blaming myself.” My hands trembled slightly in his.
“I’ve been doing the same. But we can’t change that night.” His voice was still smooth without an ounce of trepidation. Even his body language hadn’t changed since he’d come in.
“I know,” I whispered. “I’ve been listing pros and cons, writing down the good and the bad and what we would give up. I don’t want to give up a damn thing. Not you. Not medical school. Not our baby. Every time I imagine a little boy with your smile or a little girl with my hair”—I took a sharp breath, fighting back tears—“my heart beats with excitement.”
A slow grin blossomed into a smile that was equal parts love and happiness as his copper eyes sparkled.
I shuddered. “But I am scared.”
He kissed the back of my hand. “I am too.”
