Page 48 of Outlawed Treat
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Caliana
THIS MORNING, I hadto wonder if I dreamt being with Caleb last night and then him holding me all night long or if it really happened.When I stretched my body, I knew it wasn’t a dream.I was sore in the best ways possible.Muscles I didn’t know existed hurt.It wasn’t until I got in the bathroom that I discovered more evidence last night wasn’t a dream.Caleb and I were together and then he held me all night long when he climbed back into bed with me.I woke up at one point in the middle of the night to find my head resting on Caleb’s shoulder with my face buried in his neck and his arm around my body.Our legs were entwined and I didn’t fall back asleep for a little bit as I took in every single second of simply being with Caleb in the ways we weren’t ever going to allow ourselves to be.In the past, before Darren and I got together, I’d fallen asleep on Caleb and Kreed more than a handful of times.It was only after I became Darren’s girl that I stopped being so close to them.I almost forgot what I felt like to be held by Caleb and the way I feel.
When Caleb has his arms wrapped around me, there’s always a feeling of calm and as if I’m where I’m meant to be.When I’m in Caleb’s arms, I don’t ever have to worry about a single thing that’s going on in my life.He chases the monsters that haunt me away and all the thoughts I can’t seem to escape at any other time simply disappear.The noise in my life is muted and everything becomes crystal clear.It’s only when he leaves that everything returns to normal and I’m bombarded by all the thoughts and feelings I don’t want.Thoughts that make me relive my past and the time I spent with Darren.Time that never should have been spent together as anything other than friends.
Despite taking a bath last night with Caleb, the second I get out of bed I head for the shower because my muscles need the hot water.I’m so sore and just need a few minutes to myself.I can’t face anyone until I come to terms with the fact that I slept with Caleb and he disappeared before I woke up this morning.While I know he’s more than likely busy and had to get to the clubhouse, a large part of me feels as though he ran off because he didn’t want to face me.Caleb is going to regret being with me and believe our night together was nothing but a mistake.Tears feel my eyes as I realize I don’t know how I’m going to face Caleb now that we’ve been together and that he regrets it.
I let my tears spill over and roll down my face to mix with the water of my shower.No one will ever see me cry because that means I’m weak as fuck.My father told me that shit more than enough growing up.Not only that but my mother was beat in the last few years when she cried or let a single tear spill over for any reason at all.The day my grandma passed away, she cried until my father beat the shit out of her.The only reason I know it happened is because she had to be rushed to the hospital and a friend called me to let me know.My father didn’t even go see her in the hospital.He left her there alone and went about his life cheating on my mother.
Oh shit!Darren isn’t dead.I’m no longer a widow but still a married woman.I sink down to the floor of the shower and wrap my arms around my body.I’m sobbing uncontrollably with the thought of being like my father.I’ve cheated on my husband with his best friend.Caleb and I betrayed him and I don’t know what to feel.On one hand I’ve been in love with Caleb and have dreamed of being with him so long.At the same time, I’m still married.No matter what’s going on between Darren and me, we are still married and this can’t be classified as anything other than cheating.
“Caliana!”Despite feeling as if I’m spiraling out of control, I still manage to hear my name being shouted from just inside the door of the bathroom.“Sweetheart, what is going on?”
I know it’s more than likely Sam because she would be the only one to walk in the bathroom on me.I feel the water shut off and then I’m being lifted from the floor.A towel is wrapped around my body and one is placed in my hair.I’m not having a panic attack, but I’m definitely lost in my head as my body moves on autopilot and Sam helps me.She walks me into the bedroom and pulls out clothes for me to get dressed in.When I’m dressed, I look down and find myself wearing one of Kreed’s shirts and Caleb’s sweatpants from football.They’re huge on me so I roll them over at the top so they might stay up.
“I’m getting Maddie, Sweetheart.Something obviously happened and you need to talk it out.Shy and Luca are with Rory.She just got done eating breakfast and is playing on the floor before her nap.Luca will keep an eye on her so Shy can make something for dinner.You’ve been running yourself ragged and won’t let anyone help you no matter what’s going on.It’s time for you to let someone take care of you,” Sam tells me, a soft smile on her face as she makes me sit on the end of the bed before she leaves me alone in the room.
In a few minutes, Maddie and Sam return to the bedroom and take a seat on either side of me.For what feels like an eternity, I don’t say anything.The tears are still falling and I can’t get them to stop no matter what I think about.Sam and Maddie let me cry and have the time I need to get myself together.They’ve learned over the years that I can’t be rushed when I’m like this.I need to collect myself before I’ll be able to talk about anything.I truly appreciate these two women and everything they’ve done for me over the years.They have been there for me in the darkest times of my life and have celebrated all of my accomplishments with me.
Taking a deep breath, I hold it for a few seconds before slowly releasing it.Reaching up, I wipe the tears from my eyes and face with the end of the towel wrapped around my hair.
“Can you tell us what happened, Sweetheart?”Maddie asks me, her voice soft and gentle the way a loving mother would talk to her daughter in a situation like this.She’s one of the best mothers and is always there for her children.Just the way Sam and the rest of the ol’ ladies are.
“I was sitting here last night when Caleb took a shower.I was drinking wine and just sitting on the couch.When Caleb came out, he was only wearing a pair of shorts.Something snapped between us.We ended up having sex last night and then he climbed into bed with me.Caleb held me all night long.The only reason I know that is because I woke up at some point during the night and found myself laying on him with his arm wrapped around me.By the time I woke up this morning, Caleb was gone.I have no doubt Caleb has a ton of work to do at the clubhouse or garage.It just hurt, to realize he wanted to disappear before I woke up.
“I know Caleb is going to regret being with me last night.He’s been so adamant he can’t be with me because of Darren.Last night was a mistake between us and I worry about what it’s going to do to Caleb.We were just starting to get good again.Caleb was actually spending time with the kids and I.Now, he’s going to pull back again and I have no clue where that will leave us.Of what the impact will be to Rory and Bryce.They’ll always have Kreed and the rest of the guys from the club, everyone from the Phantom Bastards, and the Wild Kings.I know that deep in my heart.What I don’t know is if Caleb will leave them in the wind like he did before,” I say, feeling the tears well up once again as I fight to keep them from spilling over.“We cheated on Darren.His best friend and wife cheated on him.What kind of people does that make us?”
Maddie pulls me into a hug.Her arms are wrapped tightly around me as she holds me close.This is who Maddie is.She’s the one who will comfort those around her and give them the love they need while supporting them.Sam is the one who will give me the straight up truth and advice.Even if she knows it’s not what I want to hear.
“Sweetheart, first of all, Caleb won’t regret being with you in any way.If he feels anything at all, it will be guilt.While the two of you feel as if you cheated on Darren, that couldn’t be further from the truth.Darren chose to leave you almost a year ago.He walked away and never once looked back.He hasn’t thought about Rory, Bryce, or you in that year.If he did, there’s no way in hell he’d be able to stay away from any of you.Darren has changed so much over the years and there’s no way in hell he’s the same person we met freshman year of high school.I don’t know if it’s because of the military and what he saw over the years or just because it's the kind of man he is now.
“There isn’t a single thing you and Caleb did wrong.You have been dancing around the way you feel about one another for years.You’ve been in love for so long and everything else has come between the two of you.Darren.The girls.Fear.Not wanting to lose the friendship between you.However, if you put all that shit aside, Caleb and you are end game.There is no way in hell the two of you weren’t made for one another.
“At the end of the day, my opinion is that neither one of you have any reason to feel guilty.Like I said, Darren ran away for his own reasons.He’s the one playing games now.I’ve known from the second the feelings went from being friendly between Caleb and you to something more.You and Caleb have a look that’s only reserved for one another.It’s sweet, tender, and filled with all the love you have for one another.Darren never got that look from you and we always knew the girls in Caleb’s life weren’t going to last for very long.Even Abigail because she’s the one who followed him here and made herself an annoying stalker of his.He moved here for you and only you,” Sam says, her voice not as gentle as Maddie’s because she’s telling me what I need to hear and not what I want to hear.
“She’s not wrong, Cali.We’ve all known for a long time you and Caleb loved one another.The look you two share is the same one the rest of us share with our men.The only difference is the two of you started sharing the look with one another when you were younger.If I remember correctly, it started happening before the two of you even knew what it meant.You were young and we could see it.I wasn’t around as often as Sam and everyone else, and I still recognized the look.There is nothing you can say to change the way you two feel about one another.I fully believe the two of you will end up together because it’s meant to be.
“Caleb wants to be with you more than anything in the world.He’s scared and it will take him a while to get past feeling as if he’s betraying Darren.My nephew is stubborn to a fault and will hardly ever have his loyalty to someone come into question.Last night was a huge step for him.You need to let him work through what he’s feeling right now.The same way you need to work through what you’re feeling.Both of you are feeling the guilt hard as hell and it’s going to take a while to get past that.If Caleb goes back to drinking and fucking his way through every female he comes in contact with him, I’ll kick his ass.It’s been a while since I’ve been in the ring with anyone.My nephew will make the perfect target.We love you, Cali, and need you to let us support you,” Maddie says, keeping her arms wrapped around me in comfort as Sam rubs her hand up and down my back.
“Oh no!Luca was here last night.He must be thinking something about what happened between Caleb and me.That poor guy.”I suddenly remember him being in the living room when Caleb brought me back to the bedroom.
“Luca will be fine.He has nothing but love and respect for you, Cali.That boy would give up his life for you with a smile on his face.You’ve given him the love he needs to have in his life and the attention he’s grown so much in such a short period of time because of you and Caleb.You both give him what he needs.That boy won’t say a word about what happened last night to anyone.He’ll keep his thoughts to himself.If anything, I can guarantee, he went outside for a while and Caleb is the one who told him when he could come back inside,” Sam says, making me look at her because I never thought Luca would feel that strong about the kindness I’ve shown him.It’s the same as I’d treat anyone else I meet who is a good person.Luca is one of the best people I’ve ever met who had a shitty start to his life.
