Page 122 of Lilah
Plus, I'm sure if I talked to a dietician, they would say that I'm a pig and only a single lettuce a day would save me from all that I've already eaten.
In addition, it's very different being told that your body is 'perfect'. In high school, it didn't matter if you were the skinniest person in the school if you weren't liked, then you were called fat.
Jake always told me not to listen to them but I would still step on a scale and think, 'well, maybe they're right.'
But they weren't. And it took me two semesters to figure out that they were just doing whatever on earth they could to try and make me feel like I was lower and less than them.
I've never truly been confident in my own skin. I have a problem in the sense that I compare myself to the models I see on tv. 'Oh, my hips are too wide'.
'My hair is too long.'
'My stomach doesn't look the same as theirs.'
"My scars are ugly.'
I know I'm not perfect. Grey knows I'm not perfect. But I guess to him, he likes whatever I've got.
And that sends me on a whirlwind of crazy emotions that I've never felt before.
"Are you trying to get in my pants?" I whisper up to him, a little smile on my face. His lips turn up at the corners.
"It must be working if you're thinking about it," he leans down closer to me and I let out an amused gasp.
"Are you flirting with me?" I question him softly, my eyes on his lips. I feel his hand tilt my chin back up so that I'm looking in his eyes now.
"I think you're flirting with me," he voice gets quieter with his free hand, he lifts me up onto his desk. I let out an unflattering snort and I wince internally. I'm literally a pig.
"You're sure you want to fall in love with me?" I question. It's odd that he can sit here and listen to me snort. And eat a whole pizza. And listen to all my talking. And my nonsense.
"I'm already too far into it," he presses a kiss to my chin, "and I'm not slowing down anytime soon."
He raises my head and his lips are pressed against mine. Unlike the first time, this time is completely surreal.
His arms wrap around me, holding me as close as humanly possible, meanwhile, my heart has shapeshifted into butterflies.
His lips are softer than I remember and he's more gentle than I remember. Like he's nervous he'll mess up somehow.
I grip the side of his face and kiss him deeper. He needs to know that he shouldn't be all nervous all the time.
Our lips come together in a way that creates more sparks than fireworks.
I push away all the nerve-wracking thoughts that hit me.
He's much more experienced, that much I can tell. He's older, which plays a factor in the whole experience part.
I know that he doesn't just want me for what Aaron thinks. Or thought.
I've never looked at Grey as that type of person. He's always been truthful with me. And I may not know what he was like before we met, but that was before.
Before he wanted to fall in love.
As much as I've thought about it. I want to fall in love too. I've never been in love, and by the way he talks about it, he never has either.
It definitely wouldn't hurt to fall in love with the crackhead in front of me.
He's already come so far. He's learned things from me that I didn't even know he needed to be taught.
I don't think he understands that we're learning together. He and I are quite the teachers and students.
