Page 134 of Lilah
"Since when has the cat got your tongue?" He gives me a sweet smile.
"I'm sorry," I mumble.
He opens his mouth to say something but closes it when the door behind me opens.
A tall figure looms over me and Grey's wonderful scent envelops my nose.
I feel his hand travel up and under the back of my sweatshirt. Warmth radiates from him onto my back.
"Can we talk?" I whisper up to him. He gives me a light nod before taking his hand off my back and gripping onto my hand.
I offer Jai a tight-lipped smile as Grey drags me away.
We finally come to a stop once we're in his office. He shuts the door behind me before turning to see me.
Before he can say anything, I do.
"Grey I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you for not telling me or sad about that I promise," I try to stop my eyes from being watery but it doesn't work.
"I've never told anyone what I told you about the crash. No one but you knows what I saw because I never wanted anyone to picture Jake looking the way I saw him. He deserved to stay in the minds of people he knew as the funny and nice guy he was. I wassoupset because I thought I ruined that for you," I keep my eyes away from his entire form.
"You can't take the blame for everything," he says, serious.
"I can if it makes someone else feel better," I reply quietly. He grips my chin not painfully but hard enough to get my attention.
"You can't live like that Lilah," he says sternly.
"I knew how Jake was. I knew the type of person he was. That'll never change no matter what. You haven't ruined anything. You've helped. And you've helped yourself," he says and I only shake my head.
"Helping myself is selfish," I say softly.
"Not when it's something you need."
It's silent for a while. I feel his eyes travel all over my face.
"They blame you, don't they?" He asks quietly. My heart falls a little and my breath halts. I just know he's talking about the crash.
He pulls me closer to him.
"Is that what's hurting you so bad?" His voice stays soft as can be.
That's the only thing I've heard from Dad about the accident. That it was all my fault.
And no one has ever told me differently or known about how he blames me. Except for Grey.
"When something is drilled into your head, it's hard to believe someone else when they tell you the opposite," I tell him truthfully indirectly referring to how he told me the accident wasn't my fault.
Realization crosses his features. His hand falls under my butt and he lifts me up to him. He sits down on the floor with me in his lap, facing him.
With my heart feeling heavy and all he lets me lean the side of my head against his shoulder.
He waits a while as if searching for words. I already know he's not great with his words but I'm not looking for some sort of crazy, deep, and meaningful speech. Him just holding me to him can be enough.
"You need to see that it wasn't your fault. Things like that are out of control; out ofyourcontrol. You can't blame yourself," he makes sure I'm looking right up at him, "And don't listen to the bullshit that you already know comes out their mouths."
"Becauseyou," his hand comes to rest on the side of my face, "don't deserve to be treated any less than fucking perfect."
I begin shaking my head.
