Page 303 of Lilah
What did I do wrong?
"He's gone," I whisper out, still not believing my own words. He's gone because I was so selfish.
"I should've been there sooner-"
He grips onto my arm and yanks me into his chest.
"I'm not letting you beat yourself up thinking that this is on you. It's not. Do you understand me?" I can tell he's not happy. He grips onto my chin and forces my eyes up to his.
"This was a health thing Azalea, not something you can blame yourself about. There was nothing anyone could have done."
"I know this hurts you so bad love, I know what he means to you, and it's unfair, sofuckingunfair that things like this happen to you but you can't do this to yourself," he shakes his head.
"I can't sit here and watch the one person on earth I love beat themselves up over something that they couldn't control. It fuckingkillsme, Azalea," his eyes begin to well up.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, my bottom lip wiggling like it usually does when I'm crying.
"Lilah, you just can't do this to yourself, okay? You don't deserve it. You did nothing wrong, you never did," he pulls me farther into his chest and I cry into him.
~~~
Dear Azalea,
Unfortunately, this letter means something not too great. It means this old man is no longer there with you. I made a will not too long ago, because I'm getting old and all and I thought it would be a good idea since only the Lord knows what will happen in the future. Hopefully, this letter was delivered ontime. I set the send-date to be exactly a week after I passed and if it didn't arrive on time, I'll raise hell (up here).
I want to start by saying I'm sorry. (When the time comes and I'm no longer here), I'm sorry for leaving you honey and I can assume that you're upset at me for doing so. Just know that once I'm gone, I'll be up in the sky with Mrs. Terrip, living out the years with her that she was gone too soon for. So don't feel sad. The last thing I want you to feel is sad darling and I'm sorry if this letter is making you feel as such. I'm sorry that I'd have left you after Jake and that you're probably torn up about my going.
You were the granddaughter I never had but needed. You meant everything to me, just know that. With your help at the store, it made me a happier man. You brightened up the store even though you didn't know it. That's another thing. You're oblivious to your powers. The power you have over people and the power your mind has over your heart. You think too much. Don't let your overthinking lead you somewhere you don't need to be.
Recently, little miss Azalea, you've met a man (not a boy, as you've told me). His name is Grey if I'm correct. You look at him like my wife used to look at me. I can see he doesn't quite look at you the way I looked at my wife though. I'm hoping that will change, which hopefully it will (I think y'all are just new in the "relationship). I'm not sure what's going to happen as of the date I'm writing this letter on, but in case his look toward you never changes, never settle for less. You deserve the world darling, not some fool who treats you wrong.
I can understand your confusion while reading this letter. Why would I write this? There was things I needed to say that I've never really been able to. Like how much I love you. You first met me when you were just a little girl. Almost every day since then you've come to help me and I can never thankyou enough for everything you've done for me. I've never been able to tell you how strong you are either. You, dear, are the strongest person I've ever met. And the happiest. And the kindest. Don't ever let any of that change, it's what makes you, you.
I know throughout the years I was always a "listener" for you to talk to. I did actually listen to you (I know right, can you believe it?). I always listened to every word you ever said, even though sometimes I act like I didn't. No matter what I was there for you and even though I'm gone, that still doesn't change anything. You need a listener, I'm here honey.
Thank you for taking care of me all these years. Don't forget, I love you.
Love,
Mr. Terrip
P.S, I'll make sure to say hi to Jake, darling.
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Y'all should have seen me writing this damn chapter. Y'all would think I actually knew Mr. Terrip personally. This chapter killed me. And I'm sorry I had to write it but since the beginning, I had it planned out that this was going to happen (I know that sounds terrible but it's true).
From here, I can say there will only be a few chapters left of this journey between Azalea and Grey. That also makes me want to cry. This story is by far my favorite out of the two I've written. I'm not gonna say I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter because I don't think there's much to enjoy about it but I hope y'all have had a good week.
*Not edited*
Word count: 3047
-Ashlyn Montgomery
Chapter 42: College
? Grey ?
