Page 88 of A Secret Consequence for the Viscount
‘Bowles. That was his name. Nasty Bowles.’
The words took him by surprise and he smiled. ‘You have named him well.’
‘And you are my papa. I have always wanted one. Everyone else has one and I never did.’
Again he smiled. Lucy had the same habit as her mother had of setting words down in a way that was unusual. He was glad of it.
‘When you are better would you like to play dolls with me again? I could show you how to dress them, too, and feed them. I could even bring the dolls’ house in here if you would want me to.’
‘I would.’
At that she smiled, a full real smile that lit her eyes and brought out her dimples.
A woman then came to the door, her face furrowed with a frown. ‘I have been looking everywhere for you, Lucy. I am sorry, Lord Bromley, I hope she has not been disturbing your rest.’
He watched as Lucy followed the woman out of the room and thought his daughter was every bit as beautiful as her mother.
He saw that she was wearing his locket around her neck.
Did you know Mama cries a lot when you are not looking?
Lucy’s words sliced right through him. It was well past time to let her see exactly who he was and wasn’t.
* * *
Eleanor came to see him just as the sun was setting. She had been in and out for small pieces of time, but always in the company of others, once with the doctor and then again with Jacob. The third time when she brought her grandmama to visit Nicholas wondered if she did not wish to be alone with him.
He could understand her reasoning. She had a daughter to see safe and so far all he seemed to have brought her was heartache and fear.
He had lived in the shadows for so long that he was now unfit to inhabit a better world, a brighter place. His presence in other good people’s lives was a dark influence, a grimy dimness that invited in danger and jeopardy.
Jacob had been civil but distant after the incident in the park. As the head of the Westmoor family he could probably see the foolishness of closer relations with someone who was tainted irreparably by such chaos.
That evening Nicholas had insisted on wearing his own day clothes instead of the nightgown and he felt more like himself with each passing moment. Stronger. Less like an invalid for he knew he needed to be gone from here as soon as he was able.
Tonight Eleanor was dressed in a soft blue, the fabric picking up the colour of her eyes, but also the dark shadows beneath them.
‘You look almost returned to normal?’ her words more a question as she stood against the mantel, the candle there lighting up all the shades in her hair.
‘The physician said that I should be able to go back to the Bromley town house tomorrow. At the end of the week I will go north to Bromworth Manor and I am not certain when I shall be back.’
‘I see.’ A frown lingered now and she bit her lip.
‘Eleanor...’
‘Nicholas...’
Their words collided and she smiled shakily before she bade him to go first.
‘I cannot be with you, Eleanor. If anything were to happen to you or Lucy because of me I would never forgive myself. There is no way I can foresee the future, but if the past is anything to go by, you would be well rid of me.’
‘And Lucy? You are saying she should forget her papa when she has only just found him?’
‘I am saying she needs to be safe. If there are more like Bowles out there then I will need to be wary and there are many others with their own reasons for seeing me gone. When we were searching for the culprit who was threatening me your brother and I made a list at Vitium et Virtus and there was more than a small amount of names there who held grudges against me. I cannot guarantee they will not come next, with their sharpened knives and loaded guns. It’s who I am, don’t you see? Tainted. Ruined. Perilous.’
He held his hand out as she began to speak because now that he was started he could not seem to stop.
‘It’s why I left after we...made love. It’s why I sent the note to tell you that I couldn’t and that I was sorry but... I will provide for you both financially for ever, but I think you should not tell anyone outside of the family that Lucy is my daughter. Who knows what other perils are lurking unbidden? The world is a far more dangerous place than you realise, Eleanor. Without me there might be a chance for safety. If I stay well away from you and from Lucy the gossip will die down and people might forget.’
