Page 24 of The Destined SEAL
Laughing, I pull myself against him tighter. He presses against me, and my mouth waters. The need to kiss him wars with my sensibilities. “Careful, little lady. Unless you want a true prom night.” Ben pulls back to peer in my eyes. When he sees my panic, he winks.
I can see the doodle on my wrist all night long, my hands twining around his neck. It’s the best night of my life. For the first time ever, I belong somewhere. Our peers whisper and stare and it’s not because we’re different, or weird.
It’s because we have something none of them ever will.
CHAPTER NINE
Harper
It feels sogood to be back in San Diego. Marcus and I have settled into a comfortable lifestyle in a small two-bedroom craftsman house near the college. We’re so busy we rarely have time to do anything other than mandatory obligations. I have Sunday dinner at my parents’ house every weekend, but I rarely have time for my friends in a non-school setting. My mom called last week and mentioned Ben was dating a girl, and they’re pretty serious. It’s the first time I’ve gleaned facts about his life through another source. It was odd.
I ignored the familiar sting, but it made all the pieces fall into place. The no contact. Not even so much as a text in weeks. I’ve made other truly good friends, and it’s nice to have an adult circle of like-minded individuals to brighten the monotony. A Harvard degree didn’t make me an adult. Life did. And I’m so busy living it, sometimes I forget to enjoy it.
I’m in our office at home when Marcus drops into his chair across from me. We’ve fit two desks and three bookshelves in here. We’re the epitome of master’s students. We live and breathe school. “We should do something fun this weekend, Harp. It’s been so long since we’ve done something for us. With friends.”
I nod, spinning in my swivel chair to face his side of the room. “The workload is incredible. I moved here hoping to spend more time with family, and I might have to cancel Sunday dinner again this weekend. I have to grade those exams, and this paper is acting like a bogus clown. I can’t get it to behave.”
“I saw the paper earlier today. You left it up on the laptop. It’s not bogus at all. It’s solid. Don’t worry so much. You’ve got this.” He clears his throat. “When’s the last time we’ve hung out with friends?”
I lay a palm on my forehead. “It’s been forever.”
“Let’s make dinner plans for this weekend. Call Ben and see if he wants to come along. Let’s let off some steam. What do you say?” My first thought is that he’s crazy. The second is that I want nothing more than to relax for a few hours without thinking about anything taxing. “Drinks and tacos. You can’t say no.” He’s making a rolling gesture with his arms, and I laugh at how goofy he looks.
“The fact that you’re the one proposing this says a lot about the dire need of a night off.” I’m usually the one begging off to do something fun. Marcus is all work and no play.
“Proposing, huh?” Marcus says, smiling that wide, beautiful smile. It’s malicious this time. Calculating. I’m not giving him something he wants, and I’m unsure how long I can hold out without causing an enormous rift.
I throw a wadded-up ball of paper at his head. “Stop. I don’t want to get into that conversation right now. Nor do I have the time.”
He holds up both hands. “Fine. Fine. Just thought I’d bring your Freudian slip to your attention.”
Marcus wants to get married. While I’m not opposed, because I honestly don’t know who the hell else would marry a person like me—a person enraptured with success and my career—I just can’t agree to it. We’ve been together for years, and Iknow he’s getting pressure from his parents. There’s something, and I’m not sure what, holding me back from pressing the gas pedal. Most would tell me I’m being childish, but I’m stubborn enough to trust my gut. I need more time. After my master’s I can slow down and marry Marcus. I’ve told him that a half dozen times, but he shakes his head and tells me there will never be a perfect time. Sort of like a robot, but with more feeling.
Shouldn’t there be, though? A perfect time? Shouldn’t something like a wedding day be perfect? Free of all encumbrances of a harried, busy life? Free of all notions of what’s supposed to happen and when it should happen? Love doesn’t happen organically twice. It’s an impossibility.
Marcus changes the subject to his brother’s impending visit.
In lieu of stressing about a family visit, I reply, “I’ll call Ben.” I turn in my chair so I can hide my face and every emotion I don’t want him to see. “If he’s away on a work trip, it can be a date. Just you and me.” I hear him open a textbook, and I take his silence for what it truly is. A promise to bring up the marriage thing again as soon as the time arises. Maybe it doesn’t have to be perfect, maybe it just has to work.
Before I lose my nerve, I dial Ben. He picks up on the first ring.
“Harper. Fancy hearing your ring in my ears.”
His voice, after some time has passed, makes my heart race. Graduation was a much-needed visit. We laughed and talked about the old days, and then it ended and he left to go do God knows what. His face was stoic as he said goodbye, and my stomach filled with dread when I saw it. We don’t talk about those things anymore. They make our parents worried, and they make me plain, ol’ terrified. Ben knows it. His life is a secret because it has to be, and because he’s sparing our feelings. I realize how selfless an act it is. How difficult it must be to keepyour entire life shrouded in a rose-colored cloth for the benefit of those you care about.
I laugh. “How are you doing? It’s been a while. Can’t call a best friend on a more frequent basis?” Even as I give him a hard time, I eye the stack of unfinished work on my desk. I’m just as much to blame for the friend absence. “I win, by the way. I called first.” My stomach falls when I realize my tone has changed completely and Marcus is listening to every joy tinged word fleeing my mouth. I swallow and try to compose myself.
Ben’s returning chuckle warms my stomach. “I’m good. Lots of trips. You caught me at home, though. You got your radar on me?”
Clearing my throat, and my nerves, I get it all out in a rush. “Want to go out to dinner with Marcus and me? Mom says you have a girlfriend now, so it could be a double date.”
“The timing is too good to be true. Sure. Where?”
My stomach sinks. I didn’t realize I wanted him to deny the girlfriend until right this second, when he doesn’t.
“It’s time you met Norah. Give her the official Harper stamp of approval.”
She has a place in his life, and she has a name. A pretty one.
