Page 41 of The Destined SEAL
The toilet flushes, and I feel her crawl back into bed and hear her soft breaths. “Ben,” Norah whispers.
I can tell by the tone of her voice this is going to be one of the conversations that make me want to jump out of that window and run fast and far. I clear my throat to let her know I hear her.
“You’re not happy. You told me you needed some time to get used to the idea. It’s a lot for me too. I don’t want you to be unhappy. That’s worse than co-parenting with two happily unmarried parents.” She’s more perceptive than I thought. Norah is my wife. I think that sentence three times. Norah is my pregnant wife. She’s carrying my child.
“We’re married. This is it for me,” I say, my voice cracking from disuse. It’s two a.m.
“Why does that sound like a death sentence when you say it?”
“It was the right thing to do.” I roll to face her.
Her face is lit with moonlight. Her blond hair cascades over her shoulders in long waves. She looks ethereal—a figment of my imagination. A woman I should be worshipping. Not getting used to the idea of loving. A small smile appears on her full lips.
“I’ll get there.” I grin back and lay my hand on her stomach.
I asked her father for permission after I asked Norah for her hand in marriage. He knew right away she was pregnant. Norah is in career mode. Nothing would force her from that path except for one thing. “It’s not an arranged marriage, Ben. You shouldn’t have to try,” she replies, laying her hand on top of mine. “When did you see Harper last? That’s why you’re so sad.”
“Seeing Har—her isn’t a good idea, and you know it, Norah. Don’t say stupid shit like that. I’m doing what I think is right. What I want.”
“At my expense. I don’t want a marriage like this. You remember when I met your parents and they ended up talking about her? After, I told you I felt like I knew her even though I’d never met her?”
I nod. I can’t think of Harper, let alone see her or talk about her.
“Because you are so entwined with her, you’ll never disentangle yourselves. I don’t want to be the interim wife you married to keep your intent pure just to have this crash and burn later on when you realize Harper is marrying someone else.”
Jealousy, heavy and green, enters my chest and forces my heart to beat quicker. Norah is right. She’s always right when it comes to Harper. “I love you. She can do what she likes. Can we get some sleep now?” I rub her stomach when the baby kicks.
“She’s awake. I can’t sleep when she’s beating on my ribs.”
I chuckle. “I guess I have you to thank for this deep, middle-of-the-night conversation, huh?” I say, lowering my voice for the baby. “Go to sleep, baby Robin. Let your mommy get some rest.”
Norah laughs. “We haven’t decided on her name yet.” Pulling my face up to look at hers, she says, “One last thing.” It scares me when she looks this deep. It makes me feel like she can see inside my soul, like she knows all of the promises I give her are dependent on something neither of us can control.
“Huh?” I ask, swallowing hard.
“Don’t let me be the last to know. Not like last time. When you go back to Harper, give me some notice so I can prepare myself. Get my life together. For me and for her.” She rubs her stomach.
I grimace. “That’s sick. Don’t talk like that. How can you live like that? One foot in and out of the door. Both of my feet are here. With you. Our life.” I pat her belly for good measure.
Her eyes get glassy, and it’s accentuated by the blue light pouring in the window. “Your heart is most definitely on the other side of the door. Feet don’t matter.”
She wiggles her cold toes against my legs, and I jolt. I pull her into my arms and hug her close. Pressing a kiss on top of her head, I close my eyes. “I made the first right decision of my lifethe day I married you.” It’s not a lie. All those times in my past I could have had Harper are my cross to bear, and it’s painful to watch Norah deal with my mistakes. “I love you guys.”
The fucking mirror catches my eye when I open my eyes. This isn’t a bottle of lotion prickling my skin, this is a motherfucking ghost haunting my soul. “Try to get some sleep. I’ll sing the lullaby Robin likes.”
Norah nods against my shoulder and sets her head on the pillow. I scoot down so my feet are hanging off the bed and sing the song I created for the baby. My voice is low and raspy, but she stops kicking as soon as the first verse is out.
Robin bird, Robin bird, I’ll sing to you so sweet.
You fly in the sky, and you’re mine always to keep.
Robin bird, Robin bird, you were born to soar.
The clouds and the sun aren’t enough, you want more.
Robin bird, Robin bird, the stars and the moon are too far.
Stay with me here for a while, but always be who you are.
