Page 80 of The Love Letter
‘Yes. Marcus called to say I’d left it on the table when I had a cup of tea with him earlier. Why? Did you speak to him?’
‘No. As soon as I realised, I hung up. I was only calling to ask you to bring a nice snapshot of yourself, so I could put it in a frame and admire you when you’re not here.’
‘Christ, I hope Marcus didn’t recognise your voice,’ Zoe breathed, panic suffusing her.
‘I doubt it. I only said three words.’
‘Well, he didn’t mention you’d called me. Hopefully he’s forgotten all about it.’
‘Zoe, we need to talk. You do realise, if we continue to see one another, it would be naive to assume that close family won’t put two and two together about Jamie?’
‘Don’t say it, Art, please! Think of the scandal if anyone found out the truth and the effect it would have on him!’ Zoe broke away from his grasp and paced the room in agitation. ‘Maybe we should just forget it. Maybe I—’
‘No.’ He caught her hand as she passed him. ‘We’ve already wasted so much time. Please. I swear I will do everything I can to make sure we remain a secret, even though it kills me to do so. I want you with me everywhere. I’d marry you tomorrow if I could.’
‘Oh Art, I hardly think a single mother is an acceptable consort – let alone a wife – for a prince of England now, any more than she was ten years ago.’ Zoe gave a harsh chuckle at his naivety.
‘If you’re referring to the little meeting you had with the suits that took place while I was suddenly whisked off on a tour of Canada ten years ago, before returning to find your “Dear John” letter, I know all about that.’
‘Do you?’ Zoe was amazed.
‘I always suspected you were put under pressure to write it, to tell me it was over. I had a showdown yesterday morning with my parents’ senior advisers. They finally admitted that they’d called you in and told you the relationship had to end.’
‘Yes, they did.’ Zoe put her head in her hands. ‘I can hardly bear to think about it, even after all this time.’
‘Well, I didn’t help matters by telling the family I’d met the girl I wanted to marry. At twenty-one, just finishing at university, and you being only eighteen, I insisted I wanted our engagement announced as soon as possible.’ Art shook his head. ‘I was so stupid – I panicked them into taking action, just like any ordinary parent would. Except, of course, my situation was magnified tenfold.’
‘I had no idea you’d told them that,’ Zoe said, stunned at his revelation.
‘I’ve regretted what I did every day since. I feel completely responsible for what subsequently happened. If I hadn’t rushed in like a bull at a gate, but instead calmly courted you for another few years, things could have been very different. And it put you through hell.’
‘Yes, it did,’ Zoe agreed, remembering the pain of writing the letter, then refusing to acknowledge Art’s frantic letters and telephone calls in return. ‘Of course, I didn’t tell them about the baby. But even if I had, I knew they’d suggest I got rid of it. I’ve often wondered whether they heard about Jamie’s birth. I was scared every day that they might come and steal him away. I never left him alone for a second when he was tiny.’ Zoe let out a breath, remembering her terror and how she’d clung to Haycroft House and anonymity for the sake of her baby.
‘When I came back from Canada, I was sent abroad on my naval training and didn’t know anything that was happening at home for months. If only Ihadknown at the time.’
‘It wouldn’t have made any difference, would it? They’d never have let us marry.’
‘No. But that’s all in the past. We’re grown up now, not children anymore. My parents know how I feel about you; they could hardly discard the feelings of a thirty-two-year-old man the way they did a twenty-one-year-old, and they’re aware that my intentions are serious.’
‘Christ.’ Zoe groaned. ‘And what did they say? Are they going to sling me back into the gutter from whence I crawled?’
‘No. I told them that if they weren’t prepared to accept you, I was equally prepared to abdicate my right to the throne.’ Art smiled wryly. ‘I mean, it’s hardly a big deal, is it? I’m the second spare, hardly likely to get a crack of the whip anyway.’
Zoe gazed at Art in amazement. ‘You’d do that for me?’ she whispered.
‘Absolutely, yes. My life is a sham. I have no particular role to play, and as I said to my parents, the public have been up in arms about the cushy number the junior royals have got. Of course, they don’t reckon that serving in the navy for ten years was anything like hard work. They’re convinced I got special feather-filled pillows on my bunk and a down duvet with a crest on it, while everyone else was sleeping on rocks under a hair blanket . . . Good God, I probably had it harder than anyone else.’ He sighed. ‘The point is, they can’t have it both ways. If I’m to fulfil the public’s wish for me to be a “normal” person, then equally they must respect the fact that I have fallen in love with a woman who already has a child. Which, in the times we live in, is hardly something unusual.’
‘It sounds great in practice, Art, but I just can’t see it happening. How did the meeting end?’
‘Well, I think the palace attitude has softened in the past few years, what with all the divorces in the family. We finally agreed that, for now, you and I would continue to see each other as discreetly as possible whenever we wanted. That you could come here to me, and stay as often as you liked. That within the family and amongst its advisers, you would be an open secret.’
‘And if the secret got out?’
Art shrugged. ‘Nobody quite knows how the public will react. We all suspect a mixture: some saying how outrageous our liaison is, others agreeing with the more modern approach to a royal relationship. And I accept it would have ramifications on Jamie, especially if they found out that I’m his father.’
‘There’d be a witch hunt,’ Zoe said with a shudder. ‘Art, wehaveto keep this a secret. Swear to me no one on the inside will tell. If there’s a whisper, I’m gone with Jamie. I’ll move to LA. I—’
‘Zoe.’ He came towards her and held her hands. ‘I really do understand. What can I say? Trust me. I’ll do all I can to protect you and Jamie. And that leads me on to one more thing we need to discuss.’
