Page 100 of The Sun Sister
‘Yeah, but I don’t want to get all needy or anything. I can take care of myself.’
‘Perhaps the point was that you couldn’t and didn’t. Would you agree with that?’
‘Well, yeah, I suppose,’ I said.
‘As the saying goes, no man – or woman for that matter – is an island.’ Fi smiled. ‘But you’re not alone. The world we live in is full of people who are too scared or embarrassed to ask for help.’
‘Or too proud,’ I added. ‘I’m very proud.’
‘I can see that,’ Fi said. ‘Do you think it’s a good quality?’
‘I don’t know; whether it is or it isn’t, it’s just part of who I am. Maybe it’s a bit of both.’
Fi nodded and scribbled something on her pad. ‘You know what, Electra? I think you might be ready for a visit. What do you think?’
‘I...I don’t know.’
‘Would you like a member of your family or a friend to come and see you?’
‘Can I think about it?’
‘Of course you can. Showing off the new you and having contact with the outside world via someone close can be frightening. Do you feel frightened at the thought?’
‘Yeah, I do. I mean, you know how much I didn’t want to come in here, but I’ve met some great people and I kind of feel safe here, you know?’
‘We’ve never discussed when you might want to leave, because both of us have known you haven’t been ready to go yet. You have seven days left until your thirty-day treatment programme is over. You’ve come on in leaps and bounds in the past few days, but would you agree you’ve still got issues that need to be sorted out before you go?’
‘Probably,’ I said.
‘How are the cravings at the moment?’
‘Much better when I’m active, like when I’m running, then I don’t think about it.’
‘Then one of the tools you can take out of here is that physical activity helps. How are your mood swings? You mentioned last week you were experiencing feelings of anger and “blackness”, as you described it. Are you still experiencing those?’
‘No...’ I swallowed. ‘Those negative thoughts have gotten better...yes, they’re better.’
‘So, how do you feel about a visit?’ Fi asked again.
‘Maybe next week?’ I said.
‘Okay. And who would that person be, do you think?’
Aye, there’s the rub, I thought, one of Pa’s favourite Shakespearean quotations floating into my brain. Sadly, the list of potential visitors reflected the low point my life had come to: there was only Ma, who was my mom of sorts, or Maia, or Stella, a grandmother who I’d only met a couple of times when I’d been completely wasted...
‘Can I think about that one?’ I said.
‘Of course you can. Is the list quite small?’
‘Very,’ I admitted.
‘How many?’
‘Three.’
‘Well, you may not think that’s a lot, Electra, but I can tell you that by the time most people get here and sit in this room with me and I ask them the same question, they struggle to name anyone. They’ve isolated themselves – pushed people they love and who love them away. Alcohol and drugs have become their only friends. Would you agree with that?’
‘Yup,’ I said, hearing the fear in my voice. ‘I would. Actually, there’s probably a fourth person.’
