Page 107 of The Sun Sister
I sat there in a quandary, at a loss as to whether I should go after her or whether she wanted to be alone. After a few seconds, I decided I should do the former; it would show her I cared, even if she sent me away. I tried our dorm first, but only saw Vanessa slouched on her bed with her headphones in, so then I set off at a run around the gardens, knowing that Lizzie’s propensity for stilettoes would mean she couldn’t have got far. I eventually found her in a hidden corner of the Serenity Garden, crying her eyes out behind an enormous cactus.
‘Lizzie, it’s me, Electra. Can I sit down?’
She shrugged and I decided to take that as a yes. I didn’t have a clue what to say – I was only just beginning to learn about comforting others (which was something else that I needed to put on my ever-growing list of things to talk to Fi about). So I just reached for her hand and held it until the sobs turned into hiccups. Her face looked as if it was collapsing as all her carefully applied make-up dribbled downwards with the wetness of her tears. I took off my hoodie and handed her the sleeve to wipe it with.
‘Thanks, Electra,’ she sniffed. ‘You’re a lovely person.’
‘I don’t think I am, but thanks for saying so.’
‘Oh, you are,’ she said as she blew her nose and looked up at me with a small sorrowful smile. ‘I bet I must look a right state, don’t I?’
‘A bit,’ I answered honestly, ‘but we all do after we’ve bawled our eyes out.’
‘The truth is, I’m just dreading going back to that great empty mausoleum of a house. Cooking Chris’s supper, then getting the phone call at ten to say he’ll be late and I’m not to wait up for him. Then by the time I’m awake in the morning, he’s gone – we have separate bedrooms, you see. I’ve learnt it’s possible to live under the same roof as someone and never see them from one week to the next.’
None of what she was saying came as a surprise to me.
‘Um, Lizzie?’
‘Yes?’
‘Have you ever thought about, well, divorcing him?’
‘Yes, of course I have. And more to the point, he’s thought about divorcing me, but under California law, I get half of everything he has and he’s far too greedy to ever go for that. So I’m trapped in this sham marriage and...even though I know about his endless affairs, what hurts the most is the fact he’s ashamed of me, Electra. Ashamed of his own wife! And I still bloody love him!’
‘Are you sure? I mean, I’m no expert on anything much, but I did do therapy in New York when a relationship ended. The therapist asked me if I actually liked the guy and I said no, I hated him, but I loved him too. The therapist pointed out that I was in a co-dependent relationship.’
‘Oh sweetie, I’ve been through the whole nine yards and more with therapists over the years,’ she sighed. ‘Thousands of dollars and boxes and boxes of tissues. But it still doesn’t stop me loving him, even if they call it something else. Besides, there’s the children. They’d be heartbroken.’
‘But your youngest is twenty-three, Lizzie. And they don’t even live at home anymore. Besides, I don’t think any child wants to see their parents unhappy.’
‘The two of us put on a show whenever they’re around. We give Oscar-winning performances, playing the happy family to perfection. They’d be so shocked if they knew the truth.’
‘Surely your kids must know? I mean, where do they think you’ve been this whole time while you’ve been in here?’
‘Oh, they think I’m staying with my best friend Billie who lives near Tucson. I call them every week and lie about what fun the two of us have had. Pathetic, isn’t it?’
Truthfully, I thought it was a bit – her kids were grown adults, for Chrissake – but obviously that wasn’t the thing to say.
‘I guess if you’re a parent, you always want to protect your kids, however old they are,’ I replied, thinking that just maybe I was beginning to learn tact, a quality Pa had once told me was a necessary skill that I didn’t have. I remembered replying to him that being ‘tactful’ just felt like you were lying.
‘I do, Electra. They’re the one thing in my life that I’m proud of. Anyway,’ Lizzie gave a big sigh, ‘I shouldn’t be bothering you with all this stuff. You’ve got enough on your plate.’
‘Hey, you’re my friend, Lizzie. And friends help each other out, don’t they?’
‘Yes, they do. And I don’t have many of them, to be honest. Certainly none that I can trust.’
‘Me neither,’ I agreed.
‘I’d be proud if I could call you my friend,’ Lizzie reached out her hand to me and I took it.
‘Me too.’
For the second time that day, a great lump came to my throat. I wasn’t a big crier – never had been – but I felt distinctly moved. We stood up and walked back to The Ranch together. As we did so, I saw Hank in the distance, heading in the direction of the stables.
‘Hey, Lizzie, do you ride?’ I said suddenly.
‘I do indeed! I’ll have you know I was Pony Club champion of my county when I was thirteen.’
