Page 100 of All Right No
“Go on.”
“A few hot dinners, some nice clothes… Yep, cheap, but I wised up fast. Miles treated me like an ornament, something he dusted off occasionally and put on display when he wanted to manipulate a certain person. The rest of the time, I was someone he could stick his dick into without having to fork out a couple of hundred quid. I was a possession, not a person.”
Xane’s pale eyes narrowed behind his sooty lashes as he listened.
She scowled over the re-emergence of a vivid memory of him holding her splayed over the top of his sleek glass desk in their penthouse study. Three different laptops were open around her each displaying stock market information. He’d informed her that her tits were too small and that he’d booked her in for a boob job for her birthday. She’d pointed out her birthday wasn’t for another seven months, and he’d blithely told her there was a meeting coming up in a few weeks with some big investment group that he needed her and her new tits to attend. The guy in charge of the accounts liked skinny women with balloon like knockers. It made him salivate in the most disgusting fashion, but if he—Miles—could get him thinking with his dick, the negotiations would go much smoother.
Xane listened without blinking as she related the encounter, his expression growing increasingly sour.
“The next day, instead of taking myself off to the clinic as instructed, I packed a few bare essentials, what cash was in the house and left. I left anything that would identify me behind, having first sent my mum a text so she didn’t worry. Ha! I then went completely off grid, slept rough, took whatever menial jobs I could find. I told people I was a student. Eventually, I wound up in a flat share with Dani, and you know the rest.”
“Not entirely. You never tried to legally free yourself from him.”
“Initially, it was more important to put some distance between us than anything else. I needed to find out who the real me was. Afterwards, I figured the best course was the one that required the least interaction between us. I knew if I waited five years, then I could divorce him on the grounds that we’d been living apart, and it wouldn’t matter if he agreed or not. That way, I didn’t have to face him, and as I avoided relationships, there wasn’t a pressing need to dissolve the marriage quickly.”
“But then Ash came along…”
Ginny rubbed at her tingling nose. “That wasn’t supposed to happen.” She solemnly shook her head, before putting a brave face on it. “I freaked myself out in Belgium by how close we’d become, and how desperately I wanted it to work. It’s why I went home. I needed some perspective, but the moment I got here I knew I missed him too much to stay away. I did stay long enough to contact a solicitor, though. If I was going to commit to Ash, then I couldn’t in good conscience wait around another twenty months to be rid of Miles. I filled in the paperwork, but had them hold off on sending it. I wanted to explain to Ash first.”
“So what happened?”
“Iain. First at Roskilde, and then at Karlstad. By the time we all reached Spook’s place, I’d talked myself out of saying anything. I told myself he had enough on his plate with all his health issues, but really, I was just scared he’d want nothing more to do with me. I did have the solicitor’s file the paperwork, though. Given how everything is so screwed up, I’m not so sure that was a bright choice.”
“Okay, I’m confused.” Xane rubbed at the tension in his brow. “Spook said Paul found divorce papers in the car that took you to Ash’s parents. Papers that clearly show Miles is the one seeking to divorce you.”
A squeak of anguish funnelled up her throat. “Ash saw them?”
Xane nodded.
“I didn’t want Ash involved. This has nothing to do with him, but Miles had to be a jerk about it. He couldn’t just agree and be done with me, no he has to start his own proceedings on the grounds of adultery, just so that he could name Ash and create needless drama. I think I had my brain amputated the day I married him.”
“We all have our brainless moments.”
Ginny considered the remark while looking Xane in the eyes. It wasn’t a throwaway line. He was admitting to his own brainless mistakes too.
“Mine got Steve killed,” he elaborated. “And it nearly killed Elspeth too.”
“I don’t think you were the only one responsible. They played their parts too.”
He nodded, ever so infinitesimally, and then sat a while in silence.
“If Ash hadn’t proposed, what were you going to do? Did you have any intention of telling him?”
She lifted her shoulders. “Honestly, I don’t know. I kept telling myself once the divorce was final, it wouldn’t matter. It’d all be past tense, and… I guess, it could still have turned out ugly. I just wanted to leave that part of my life in the past, you know?”
“I get it, and Dani will too once she’s calmed down.”
“And Ash?”
He fixed his expression into one of neutrality. “Honestly, I don’t know. After what Connie did to him, and then he asked you in front of all those people, that’s a lot of hurt to wash under the bridge.”
Ginny bowed her head and gave into a sob.
“Hey.” Xane cupped his hand around the back of her head, and drew her to him so that she was blubbing into the warmth of his chest. “I’ve never known him as happy as the time he’s spent with you. You’ve dug yourself into a deep hole, Ginny, I’m not going to pretend otherwise, but that doesn’t mean you can’t fix this. He’s only this hurt because he loves you.”
How though? How did she fix it?
Was it even worth trying to while she was still bound to Miles? As far as she could see, she was stuck in limbo until the divorce was agreed, and Miles was doing all he could to slow things down and be obstreperous.
