Page 3 of All Right No
Ash cast his gaze wide around the room. They were all staring at him with pity in their eyes while their lips were thinned to near nonexistence. None of them would admit his time was numbered, but he knew it. He felt it in his gut, swirling around, churning up the dire crap they’d been feeding him in the hospital. For a couple of weeks, he’d have the sympathy of his band mates, but after that, once autumn set in, their patience with him would wear thin, sympathy would all but vanish, and they’d start making contingency plans.
The fuckers were probably already doing so. Not officially, but he didn’t doubt they were already composing lists of guys they could approach in their heads. A band at the level they were at couldn’t just recruit any old guitarist they fancied. They’d have to find someone with a track record, someone who could lay waste to a crowd of malcontents, but whose artistic vision meshed with the band’s. Basically, someone who was a fuck of a lot better at grinding than he’d ever been.
Yep, shortlists were being drawn up before his very eyes.
Feelers would go out tonight, or if not, definitely by the end of the week.
“Screw this!” He couldn’t take any more of their disingenuous pity. He barrelled past Spook and clanked down the metal stairs.
Outside, the evening sun was right over the lake, its rays bouncing off the gently rolling waves creating a dazzling light display. Ash stumbled blindly across the ridiculous path of stepping stones back onto dry land, only to find Spook had followed him out.
“Did you know you were still having problems before we dived into jamming?”
What difference did it make?
“Why the hell didn’t you tell us you still needed time?”
Maybe because he wanted to move forward and leave the nightmare of the last month behind. He wanted to feel the music flowing through him. He wanted to be wanted again, to feel the noise of the crowd baying for more, and to be an actual member of this band, not someone associated with them only in name.
Rather than stop and explain any of that, Ash stalked up the lawn towards the house. The events in Karlstad had scared them all. He wasn’t belittling the experiences of the others, but he was the only one who’d come out permanently damaged. In a way, it was kind of poetic. He’d also been the idiot responsible for bringing Iain into the fold. He ought to have listened to his guts, because he’d known it was a stupid idea, but they’d needed someone and Iain had been right there. It had seemed like a good solution to a long standing issue. Truth was, he’d been fooling himself about Iain Willows for years. He wasn’t going to make that same mistake again. From now on, he was going to listen to his guts. And what they were telling him now was that if he wanted to stay put in this band, then he needed to get himself fixed. He didn’t know if that involved more physiotherapy, drugs or what. God, he hoped it didn’t involve drugs. The doctors had him on a whole heap of shit already that he hated taking. He’d been down the slippery slope of prescription meds before.
“Ash, will you stop and talk to me? Do you even know where you’re going?”
He’d almost forgotten Spook was there striding alongside him.
“I assume there’s a room for me in here.” They’d reached the southern-facing side of the house with its long covered veranda, but didn’t go inside.
“Of course there’s a room. Ginny took your stuff to unpack.”
“Where?”
“The door to the left of the kitchen. You can either go straight through the lounge, or around to the side and in through the boot room. But just hold a sec and listen. Graham spent some time looking up consultants before they discharged you. He dropped it because we thought you were better, but maybe we should take a trip to see one of them.”
“Why?”
“Because maybe they can improve the situation. I know you’re pissed off and in pain, but don’t you want to find out if there’s a way to right things?”
“Maybe,” he grumbled.
“You don’t sound too sure.”
Well that was probably because his blood was boiling and after being prodded and poked for most of the last month he wasn’t keen to subject himself to more invasive probing. The fact was, he wanted to rest and to be left alone to fucking wallow. Christ, after all he’d been through, didn’t he qualify for a pity party? Even just a little one?
“I just want to help.”
“Then stop protecting me from the truth.”
The furrows in Spook’s brows deepened. “Sorry, what?”
“If there’s a problem with me, then spit it out instead of pretending I’m some lame dick who needs to be humoured.”
Spook hadn’t been the primary culprit of that offence, but he hadn’t exactly been forthcoming with the truth either.
“You want the truth?”
Ash nodded.
“Fine, here it is. We’re all here for you, Ash. All of us. No one has it in for you. None of us are about to stab you in the back. You’re an essential member of the band, and despite what I know is going through your head, we’ve no plans to replace you—”
