Page 21 of Reflex
“Look, I know you don’t want to talk, but—”
“I was hard.”He reached out and grasped the lapel of Xane’s jacket with his uninjured hand.“When that prick grabbed me.I was hard.I was fucking excited.”
Xane pulled him closer, ignoring his hedgehog-like spines, so that he had him locked in an embrace.“Listen.That wasn’t what excited you.The bastard took advantage.You were already aroused.You were talking to Allegra.She’s why you were worked up.She’s the reason you keep meditating in your bunk, because she’s tuned right into your psyche.You were hard because of what you crave, Spook, not because of anything else.And what you crave, and need, I might add, is what she’s offering.”
Spook pushed him away.“I don’t need.”
“Yeah.Yeah you do.At no point in the last decade have I ever seen you more desperately in need.”
“It’s not happening.I’m not going near her.”He raised his hand as if Xane had to be warded off.
“Hey, look at me.We’re talking about Allegra, not me.”
“Yeah,” Spook acknowledged, though it took another couple of seconds for his shoulders to sag.
“I wish you’d speak to me.I’m not trying to make it my business, Spook, but I get that whatever is going on between you and Allegra Hutton isn’t easy for you.”
“There’s nothing to discuss.”
“Right.”Course there wasn’t.“Then at least tell me what I can do to help right now.”
That prompted a little huff of laughter.“Damn, fuck all, and you know it.Where’s there to go?”
Xane drew back a way.“There is…” He sucked his tongue.There was one option.It’d been rumbling around inside his head since they’d left the arena, but part of him was desperate not to act on it.He’d spent the whole last few weeks bracing himself for the final night of the tour.Losing himself in endless lust-filled moments with Dani and with Luthor so that he didn’t have to think about it.
Crazy, since it had been his decision to make Monaco their final destination.It’d felt right when they were booking dates.After all, it was where Steve had died.The thing was, it was also the last place he’d seen Steve alive, and he hadn’t been back there since.What ghosts would he find lurking there?What demented demons?
“Monte Carlo’s a two hour drive.”
Xane inwardly winced as the words left his mouth.Cold sweat settled over the skin on the back of his neck.He’d rather not head there, but he’d committed to it now, having said it.His galloping heart would just have to get used to the fact.The priority here was Spook, not him and his guilty conscience.Truthfully, he’d always wonder, if things had been different, would Steve have lived?But he couldn’t change the past.What he could do was make Spook’s present easier.That was worth a little heartbreak.
Spook’s brows concertinaed.
“The apartment’s empty.It’d be space to drink yourself into oblivion if that’s what you want.We both know you’re not going to get any damn privacy on the tour bus, not a whisper of it, and a hotel…” He shook his head.Spook needed to be somewhere safe… familiar, and more importantly, where no one was going to kick up a stink if stuff got broken.Currently, Xane had one eye on the door expecting security to march in and escort them from the premises following the stunt at the bar.Ava was exactly the type to involve thepolizia.
In any case, reporters always constituted a poor choice of punching bag.Likewise, bars weren’t the ideal locations to let rip.Sometimes though, you snapped.As his cousin Ric had once pointed out shortly after the loss of his wife, sometimes the demons got out and smashed the living fuck out of shit regardless of your will or whim.And they rarely gave a damn about the consequences.
“You don’t want to be there.”
Well observed.“In another twelve or so hours I’ll have no choice.”Xane nervously rotated the ring piercing in his lip.“You can talk to me about Allegra on the way.Help me keep my mind off it.”
That earned him an uneasy chuckle that dissolved into something far too close to a sob.
“You know that eighty per cent of me wants to delete her from my memory.If our paths never crossed again it’d be too soon.She’s all demand, Xane.I can’t give in to it.”
The fear coming off him made Xane want to swaddle him inside another embrace, but he reminded himself that there was only so much touchy-feely stuff Spook would tolerate, and he had a feeling he might need to hold some in reserve based on how the night was shaping up.
“What about the other twenty per cent?Tell me about that.”
Spook covered Xane’s mouth with his uninjured hand.He shook his head slowly, eyelids falling.“I’m not nearly slaughtered enough to have that conversation.”
“Then I’ll grab a few things from the bar on the way out.”
Two desperately blue eyes pinpointed Xane with laser-like accuracy.“Xane…I don’t think…” A shiver racked Spook’s body, knocking his already precarious balance for six.
“I’ve gotcha.”Xane leant him some support.“What’s your poison?Rum?Cognac?Vodka?Damned expensive whisky?”He led, and Spook took a hesitant step forward.“Come on,” he encouraged.“We’re gonna make some cab driver’s day.”
“Monaco?”Spook sighed after another five paces.He stumbled and cursed again in Swedish when he put out his injured hand to catch himself.
Xane got a firmer grip on him, hooking Spook’s arm around his shoulders.Once he got him safely to his place at the Hotel de Paris then he’d get that hand and Spook’s other cuts properly cleaned and dealt with, before sorting out the emotional trauma screwing up his head.For the moment, he was relieved to see the bleeding had stopped, and at least the damage was to his left hand.There remained the possibility it would muck with his playing, but he’d worry about that later.The gig was still a lifetime away at this point.
“Waddabout the rest of the band?”Spook asked, but not until they were outside the aquarium waiting for the cab Xane had co-opted his girlfriend into calling.She was watching them pensively from beneath the blush of a street-lamp while leaning on Luthor for support.Ash and Ginny had already left for their sleepover, and Liam had muttered something about joining Troels and Tony back at the arena.Paul had… Actually, he didn’t know where the big guy had trotted off to.Maybe to have another late night chat with Elspeth.
“They can catch up with us in time for the gig,” Xane reassured Spook.He’d kept his promise and got them another bottle from the bar.So far, the top had stayed on the vodka, and Spook’s coordination was shot enough Xane didn’t have high hopes on him being able to unscrew it.“Don’t worry about them.They’re fine.”
By the time he finally bundled Spook into the taxi, his friend was a dead weight against his shoulder.Two minutes out of the city, he was comatose.
