Page 114 of Replay
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With only the other members of the band shipboard they could probably have gone in the pool naked, but that sort of exposure felt too revealing at present.That meant locating costumes.Alle had already opened her case, but she sagged onto the bed when Spook left the room.
“Fuck!”She covered her face with her hands.He’d given her far more to process than she’d ever anticipated.Her innards were in knots, and her emotions all over the place.
So much hurt.So much to grind her teeth over.There was an almost desperate desire to push it to a distance, and not let it fill her thoughts.But not to examine the details and ascertain how she felt about them would be discourteous to Spook.
He’d let her in.Trusted her.Made his apology meaningful by opening his heart and letting her see all the darkness buried there.
She’d no idea it would be so grim.
God, no wonder he was so scared of touching her.
All his hesitancy now made sense.Likewise, Xane’s protectiveness.“Just be gentle,” he’d begged.She’d do her very best to be.Though if she crossed paths with that woman again, she might tear her limb from limb.
The thought of Xane with Spook still stung, but at least she got it now.It hadn’t been about her.Nor had it been some thoughtless hot and sweat lust-fuelled tangle they’d wound up in.It had been a point on their timeline.An event horizon they’d been moving towards over the entire length of their friendship.It was always going to happen.Her arrival followed by Siv’s reappearance had simply sped things along.
She had to accept that and move on.
Of course, knowing that didn’t ease the lump in her throat.Alle turned back to her suitcase, but hot tears spilled over her cheeks blinding her.Irritably, she brushed them aside, and licked the salt from her lips.
She’d just told him she wanted to watch if he did it again, so crying about it was nonsensical.Okay, so largely that had been a front.A blasé attitude had got her through a lot of situations.Nor was it a lie that she’d entertained such fantasies.Her and many other women.Reality was a little different though.The emotions involved so much more nuanced.Right now, she felt like she’d been assaulted with a cheese grater.
They were going to have to talk it over some more, discuss boundaries.They hadn’t so far.
At no point had they agreed to be exclusive or monogamous.She’d simply assumed those things based on the fact he’d been celibate.
Foolish.Assumptions inevitably landed you in hot water.Better she focused on truths.
One—Spook wanted her, and he wanted them to be together.
Two—He’d slept with Xane.There was no undoing that.She was going to have to make her peace with it or it would destroy any hope they had of staying together.
Three—Part of that process was going to be accepting the fact that she couldn’t have substituted for Xane in that situation.He’d needed Xane, and might do so again in the future.
She sighed, letting the exhalation whistle through her teeth.“Fucking hell.”
Alle mopped her tears.Life was never simple.Not ever.
She stripped off and wriggled into her swim suit.
If she was going to be angry, then she might as well be angry at those who were actually responsible for the situation.Marshall had set things in motion with his horrid article.If he hadn’t been so focused on discrediting Spook, then none of what had happened last night would have occurred.There’d have been no argument on the street, Spook wouldn’t have seen Siv, hence she wouldn’t have had to fetch Xane, they wouldn’t have shagged, and she wouldn’t be feeling like a pan about to boil over.
“Alle?Are you ready?”Spook’s knuckles rapped against the door.
She took a deep breath, and grabbed a towel.“It’s open.You can come in.”
Spook had on a pair of shorts and a jet-black T-shirt.He’d tied his hair back in a ponytail.“Are you okay?”he asked looking her over.
Alle slowly shook her head.“Over-wrought.Can we make it work, Spook?”
“I hope so.”He clasped her hand tightly, and raised it to his lips.“I want things to work out for us, Alle.I’m so sorry that I hurt you.”
She clasped her other hand over the top of his.“You never promised that you wouldn’t sleep with someone else.”
He blinked.“I never gave you a reason to think I would.It was a fair assumption.”
“Not really.Not following on from what we did with Rock Giant.”
“I know, but—”
“We should talk about it.Just not right now.I need to think about it.”
He nodded.“Later.Whenever you’re ready.”
