Page 64 of Replay
“I’m not mad at anybody.”
“And yet it feels like I’m standing beside a ticking bomb.Spook, you have to know I’d like to skin my brother.I can’t believe he’d stoop so low.I’m his sister, but yet again, he was happy to dance all over me in the name of a story.He’s out of his damn mind.”
“I’m sure he’d rationalise it all as having been in your best interests.I mean, he’s hardly going to approve of a man who hits you.”
“You spank my arse because I like it.That’s hardly the same thing.He’s just being a gigantic fuckwit.”
“I hit him.”Not that he was trying to take up Marshall’s defence here.That man was the sort who always seemed to emerge smelling of roses.No doubt, the backlash againstBang!would prove short-lived, and then everyone would be back to lapping up their shocking celebrity gossip like nothing had happened, and Marshall Hutton would live to use his hideous interview tactics again on the next unsuspecting person.
“He shouldn’t have pushed in the way he did.”
“I never said otherwise, Alle.Ambition makes all sorts of people do all sorts of unkind things.I’m sure he wasn’t necessarily thinking about you at the time.”That also was not to be taken as a defence of the man’s actions, more like an attempt to soften the impact on Alle.Thoughtlessness was an easier load to bear than wilful sabotage.
Abandoning the steps, Spook wandered into the cramped dining area at the front of the bus, where he slid into a seat.A moment later, Alle sank onto the bench on the opposite side of the table.She was looking around, taking stock.Of course, she’d never actually been on the bus before.Soon enough, her attention settled back on him again, though whatever thoughts were running rampant in her head, she kept to herself, going so far as to squeeze her lips together to ensure her silence.
Another minute or so passed before she leaned over and pressed her hand over the top of his where it rested against the table.“Spook, I’m sorry, too.It’s my fault Ronnie had any inkling whatsoever, but you know, we never really talked about any of it, and whether we were supposed to be a secret.”
Seemed Paul’s loyalty extended beyond being Elspeth’s pet.“It is only in the sense that it’s nobody else’s goddamned business.There’s no expectation of you hiding it, but I wasn’t anticipating it being front page news.”
“That you hit me,” she added.
“That I was in a relationship, and I hit you.”He pulled his hand out from under hers, and formed a fist that he used to cover his mouth.Icy slivers of fear slid under his skin.“I look like a right twat.”
Her now deeply freckled brow crumpled.“I think his meaning was clear in context.”
“Who gives a damn about context?It’s not good, Alle.It’s not good.”
“We could make a statement together.”
“And say what?No.”He shook his head for emphasis, pulling away from her attempt to smooth the hair away from his face.“No.”
Alle folded her hands into her lap.Head bowed, she didn’t look at him for a while.
“What?”he demanded.
“What is it you’re not saying?There’s something about this…” Her head began a slow shake.“Something that has you terrified way beyond what would be seen as normal.Spook, what are you hiding?”
Everything.The same as he’d been doing for years.Exactly as he intended to continue doing, assuming events allowed him to.
“Are you ashamed of what we’ve done together?”
“No.”
“Then what is it?”
He shrugged and rested against the padded leather chair back.“I consider my business, my business.Being a member of a rock band doesn’t mean everyone has a right to the details of my life.It’s nobody’s business what I eat for breakfast, what I do with my time when I’m not performing, or what I do in bed.”
“A certain amount of intrusion kind of goe—”
“It’s none of anyone’s business.”
Uneasily, she scraped her teeth across her lower lip, while her gaze darted from the window, to him, to the table, and her hands.“But I wasn’t asking you that.”
No, she didn’t want the lowdown of his daily itinerary.She wanted him to spill the deep stuff.The things he didn’t share with anyone else.
“Spook,” she asked in a lulling tone.“Why did you choose to become celibate?”
Now it was his turn to vacillate.He turned his head, so that he was looking at the window.The dark outside meant they were perfectly reflected.Him in a faded black tee.Her, with her fiery red-hair.“Why’s it important?”
