Page 79 of Replay
“I’ll do that,” he promised.Not meaning it for a moment, and shocked that Xane had so readily agreed to his wishes.Perhaps it was a convenient cover for him to run off and fetch the men in white coats.
“Try not to hit the mini-bar too hard, eh?”
Curiously, he hadn’t even thought of that.In any case, alcohol tended to amplify his emotions, not deaden them.“I’ll try,” he agreed, raising his water in a sort of farewell salute.
Xane stared at him a moment, then headed for the exit.Spook watched his reflection retreat.When the door finally closed, relief rushed through him in a hot wave, only to be immediately followed by a crippling pain in his innards.Spook dropped the glass and bent double.His knees hit the wooden floor, followed closely by his elbows as he sagged into an ungainly heap.It was all in his head again.All of it.A dozen voices screaming at once.Accusations.Bald-faced lies.Memories.Too many memories, overlaid and out of synch.“Liar.Monster.Let’s see how you like being held down.”
“It’s all over now.Not only the case.Everything.”
“The video evidence made it clear.”
“They were found this morning.”
Maybe he shouldn’t have sent Xane away.That impossible man was perhaps the only thing stopping him being overwhelmed by ghosts.At least while he’d been present, the shadows were silent.
“You’re a fucked up, disgusting miscreant, a filthy pervert who deserves everything you got.”
“Wow, Jan.It’s been so long.”
“What’s wrong, baby.Why don’t you want to touch me?”
“Jan.My God.It really is you.Do you recognise me?”
No matter how many years passed them by, he would always do that.She was scored into his very being.Her and all her family.
“Hi.I’m Allegra Hutton.Alle, like Allie, but without the I.”
“Count with me.Ett...Två… Tre… Fyra…”
“What have you told her?”
“She wants you.You want her.What’s so fucking complicated about that?”
Everything.Everything was complicated about it.He couldn’t have a normal relationship.
“Mate, you don’t need to pay me.And I know someone who’ll pay us both to film it.”
At the time, that had seemed like a turning point.It kind of had been, just not in the way he’d expected.Black Halo had grown from that moment.
“Oh my God!You’re a crazy freak.No fucking way!Get off me.”
And that one had confirmed so very much.First gig.First girl looking for a hook up.One spectacular crash and burn.Why couldn’t all these fucking people hang out somewhere else besides his head?Didn’t they have lives to lead?Better things to do?
“I heard if you’re on the outside looking in, that all of time is simultaneous.Don’t you think there’s comfort to be found in that?”
“Being made to feel shit forever?Not really.”
“Well, you are a worthless piece of shit.”
“No!”He clamped his hands tight over his ears, but he couldn’t block out the sounds for they were coming from inside.“Stop, please.”He couldn’t take anymore.“You don’t have to do this.”
“An eye for an eye…”
The scream reverberated in his throat, leaving his lungs raw.He turned his head, straining for a glimpse of the door, and hated that it was closed with Xane on the other side of it.“Xane.”There were flecks of his friend’s blood beneath his fingernails.And some of his own too.He couldn’t reach the phone.It was too far away, and his ribs ached.“Please…”
