Page 86 of Replay
“No.”Xane rolled him onto his back.“You open your eyes and damn well look at me.Look at me, Spook.”
Spook squinted, barely lifting his lids.Xane was there above him, his expression kindly, but intense.Those knowing grey eyes pierced Spook to the core.Xane had a way of seeing into him that no one else had ever approached.There was no hiding.No secret he couldn’t uncover with that pretty grey gaze.
“This is us, Spook,” he said, voice soft and enveloping.“I’m not going to hurt you.I’m not going to do anything you don’t want.You told me you wanted this.If you’ve changed your mind—?”
He hadn’t.“Fuck me,” he mouthed.“Drive them away.”
“Cure you with my cock?It’ll be my pleasure to try.”Xane lifted Spook’s arse and pushed a couple of pillows beneath him.“But I need you to stay with me.Have you got that?Stay with me in the present.I’m here for you Spook.Everything is going to be okay.”
“I’m here,” he agreed.“Do it.”
“Soon.”Xane leaned over and kissed the flat of Spook’s stomach.“You know there are no magic bullets, right?”
He nodded.
“When you’re ready, and when I’m ready, and not a moment before, okay.You’re tight, and not used to this.I’m not going to layer one bad experience on top of another.That would defeat the point.”
Xane probed him with the blunt tip of his index finger again.There was no pain, rather a tingling sense of excitement alongside an urge to squirm.Like a cloud scuttling across the moon, blackness swallowed his eye sight.He could taste blood in his mouth.Fear swallowed his desire.
“Spook, at any point if you need me to stop, just say so, and I will.”
He blinked his eyes open.Cold shivers were racing through his limbs.
“At any point.I mean that, Spook.”
“I know.”
“Keep your eyes open.”
“Yes.I meant to.”
Xane freed his fingers from where they were stretching him.“I think we might benefit from some supplies.Hold right there.”
Xane got off the bed and went into the lounge.He returned, carrying a couple of condoms and a sachet of what Spook assumed was lube.As his friend climbed back onto the bed, Spook’s attention locked upon the other man’s dick.There it was, impossibly large, potently erect.Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.A flash of fire engulfed his lower body.Twisted barbs pierced his skin.He wanted to scream and scratch, but his voice was gone and his body numb to commands.He could only endure.
He didn’t want this to be about endurance.He had to push past what had been, live now, in this moment, and only this one.That was the only way he’d find a way forward.
He’d lived in limbo too long.
He fought the urge to run as Xane rolled on a condom and slathered both his cock and Spook’s hole with lube.
“Ready?”he asked, getting between Spook’s legs.
“Not even slightly.”
Xane covered his body, lying right over him full length, skin on skin.He looked Spook in the eyes as he guided his cock between Spook’s spread cheeks.
Terror blazed through his synapses at the brush of that member against his pucker.
“Shh, easy.”Xane’s firm hand upon his hip steadied him, as did his lips on the corner of his mouth.“Just get used to the feel of me.Nothing’s doing yet.”
Big, Alien.Exciting.Fucking terrifying.His own heartbeat was all he could hear.It was drumming at an impossible pace.
He couldn’t do this.
“Spook, it’s okay.You’re in control of this.It’s only happening if you want it.”
“I do.”
