Page 138 of A Gentleman's Wager
Lucerne glowered at him waspishly. “I am not. There is simply no goddamned reason to stay. It’s fucking freezing, and—”
Vaughan rested his hand on Lucerne’s knee. “This isn’t about the weather.” He sought his lover’s gaze, but Lucerne kept turning away from him, refusing to look at him straight on. “Tell me how I can help?”
“Tell you—you know perfectly well what I wish. I made that plain weeks ago, but all you’ve done is prevaricate. Well, now it is irrelevant. You should be happy. You have me all to yourself, exactly as you desired.”
“If that were true it might be a cause to celebrate.”
That hooked his attention. Lucerne finally met Vaughan’s gaze. “In what way isn’t it true? I’ve told you it is ended between Bella and I.”
Vaughan patted his leg. “Saying it and feeling…believing it are two different matters. You’re hardly mine if part of you is aching for her.”
“The sentiment will pass.”
“Oh, Lucerne.” Vaughan slung an arm around his lover’s shoulder and pulled him close so that their heads met. He pressed a kiss to his brow, breathed in his scent.
“Do not pretend this doesn’t please you, Vaughan.”
“It doesn’t please me to see you wounded. Moreover, it pains me it’s so obvious that I’m not enough.”
“I’ve never said that.”
Vaughan kissed him again. “Your actions speak it. Every time you look at her, every time you ask if we mightn’t share.”
“And what of you? It is not as if you haven’t been plenty seduced by her charms.”
Vaughan sat back. “She’s uncultured and infuriating, but I’ll admit her appetites for certain debaucheries do weigh in her favour. Don’t imagine that I’m enraptured though. She’s no more and has never been more than a diversion, an entertainment to while away a few hours. It is not as if there is any culture to be had this far into the wilds.”
“And evidently I am not enough to satisfy your appetites.” It was Lucerne’s turn to lock their gazes to drive home his point. Vaughan accepted the criticism with a bow of the head. They sat then for several minutes in quiet, listening to the crackle of the fire, their bodies resting against one another, but neither of them quite relaxed. Eventually, Vaughan got up to throw on extra fuel.
“Why is it ended? You still haven’t said,” he asked.
Lucerne raised his hands before him, making a steeple of his fingers which he then tapped thrice against his lips. “I’m looking at it.”
-75-
Bella
She had only to endure one more day, then Louisa and Wakefield would be wed, and she’d be free to return home to Wyndfell. Having spent three hours alone in her room packing her trunk, Bella retreated to the yellow morning room after noon, where she hoped to remain out of sight and mind of everyone.
The room had changed little since she had first discovered it shortly after her arrival at Lauwine. It was still unfurnished, though the cobwebs had been banished from the corners and the forest of greenery no longer covered the windows. Her anger had calmed since fleeing Lucerne’s company, but the trauma of the argument still knotted her mind. She would not be free of it until she could leave this place, and he gone from the county. By the time the spring arrived, this past season would be nothing more than misty memory. At least, that’s what she kept telling herself. She would sink back into her former, provincial life—attending the Assembly balls in Richmond once a month, calling on sickly neighbours with oranges and cake, and wearing her ancient riding habit whether she intended to climb astride a horse or not.
When the doorknob rattled, announcing an arrival, she turned in resignation, ready to send away whichever maid it was, but it was Pennerley who strode in instead. He nodded on seeing her. “I had a suspicion that I might find you in here.” He closed the door and locked it. “It seems it is high time that you and I indulged in a little tête-à-tête.”
Bella turned her back on him and stared out of the window. An intrepid spider scuttled along the outside ledge. Pennerley reminded her of a spider, sitting at the centre of a web he’d woven, feeling…feeling for the tugs of those trapped within. She was not one for extermination, but part of her wished she could flatten him with a hefty book.
His tread was soft, but the old boards squeaked, alerting her to his approach. He stopped directly behind her.
“Who are you hiding from, Bella?”
“I’m not. I simply don’t desire company at present.”
Vaughan’s warm breath buffeted her ear. “You definitely are, though I’ll concede that the company part may also be true.” He circled her so that he stood to her fore and looked her up and down. Bella twitched, discomforted by the scrutiny. He was the cause of all her failures, the thief who’d stolen her prize. Lucerne was meant to be hers. She’d haunted Lauwine for years, waiting for him, and when he’d arrived, it had seemed almost as if fate had decided their future. Then Vaughan had insinuated himself into what should have been a simple matter of man and woman entwining their futures by means of matrimony.
“You could still mend things with Lucerne.”
“Perhaps it’s better if they remain broken.” He only wanted her as his mistress, after all, not as his viscountess. She could never be that, because he she would never mean as much to him as this man. Although, maybe even being his kept woman would have been tolerable, if Pennerley held her in any regard at all.
Vaughan sighed wearily. Then, rested his hands upon her shoulders. “Is that the lie you’re telling yourself?”
