Page 70 of Refrain
With the phone balanced against the hearth stone and roughly pointed in his direction, Spook played the verse and chorus he’d been working on. It was still rough and missing something. Something Xane would fix when he appeared. That’s how they worked. He’d find a couplet. Xane would add a riff or twist a couple of words around, and they’d continue to pass it back and forth until it was right.
He’d played it through a couple of times before he recalled that Alle was watching him. That he was exposed, and not in any state to be let loose in the world. That it was a bad idea to let her slip under the radar and into his life again. Wrong to let her get her hopes up.
“I need to go now.”
“Oh, okay. Can I… can I call you again and find out how it’s progressing?”
“Alle, I don’t know that’s…” He bit his lip. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Are you saying you won’t answer?”
“I don’t think I should. I don’t want you to think this is… That we’re going anywhere. Whatever we started, it was a mistake. We can’t make it over.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Goodbye, Alle.”
“Please. Spook. I love you.”
He hung up and melted into a puddle of anguish. He was not about to do exactly what he’d told Xane he wasn’t interested in not two hours gone. Falling back into texting, and late night phone calls wasn’t going to do either of them any good. It’d only foster expectations. They were both better off out of one another’s lives. Nothing but hurt would come of them renewing their connection. But knowing it didn’t take away the want. It didn’t lessen the grief or remove the knife in his chest.
Shit! He wanted it.
Her voice remained fresh in his head, which in turn ignited memories. Recollection after recollection of the good times. There had been some… more than just some. Many. He’d been feeding himself the lie that wasn’t the case, but he couldn’t maintain that façade any more. He wanted her, and he wanted the things she offered him.
But he couldn’t go there. They couldn’t be a thing.
It was too painful. He was too screwed up. He couldn’t risk it.
He abandoned the coffee and reached for the Scotch, right as Xane emerged from the bedroom naked as a newborn.
Spook chucked a pair of jeans at him. He couldn’t be fine with it. Not right now. “Put some fucking clothes on.”
Xane caught the denim and hitched it up his thighs. “Did I hear you talking to someone?” He raised both brows as the sight of his phone propped somewhere he most definitely hadn’t left it. “That my phone?”
“You know it is, so why ask?” He scrubbed the salt tracks from his cheeks.
“Did you call somebody?”
Spook worried a piece of loose skin off his lip. “It was ringing incessantly.”
“And you answered it?”
He shrugged. “Why are we stating the fucking obvious?”
Xane padded over, feet bare, and lifted the phone, which he immediately opened to browse the call history. “You spoke to Allegra?”
“Don’t make a thing out of it. We spoke for a minute or two max.”
“You were on call for eight minutes.” He dropped into a crouch so that their heads were on a level.
Another tear trickled down Spook’s cheek. “I forgot she was there.”
“Right.” Xane’s thumb caught the next tear. His silver-grey eyes were shot through with concern.
“It’s the truth. I was playing. We weren’t speaking.” His guitar still rested across his lap.
Xane pushed into a standing position again and fastened his fly. “I need to eat something, then you can show me what you’ve got. I liked what I heard through the wall.” He turned and made for the fridge.
