Page 177 of The Orc's Captive Bride
Too late. The orders were clear.
He had led the raid efficiently and mercilessly. He felt the heat of the flames. Smelled burning flesh. Heard screams that never should have existed.
Monsters. We were monsters. I was a monster.
His knees buckled, but he refused to fall. Keep moving. Reach the light. Save Thea. The mantra pushed him forward, step after agonizing step.
Each one brought new horrors. An elder trying to shield children. A woman protecting her mate. All dead. All because he’d followed orders.
I didn’t question. Didn’t think. Didn’t care.
The Beast howled. Not in rage. In grief.
We were used. Shaped into weapons. Told we were serving a greater purpose.
But that wasn’t an excuse. Wasn’t an absolution.
I still made the choices. Still acted. Still killed.
The light seemed impossibly distant, growing no closer despite his desperate progress.
Is this the test? To break me? To make me give up?
He wouldn’t. He couldn’t.
Thea believed in me. Saw past the monster to something worth saving. I won’t fail her.
Another step. Another memory.
Declar’s face, trusting and loyal.
“You really think Lasseran sees us as more than tools?”
“Of course. We’re his chosen warriors. He promised us a future.”
Lies. All lies. And he’d helped perpetuate them, encouraging his brothers to believe in false hope. How many will die because I was too blind to see the truth sooner? The guilt threatened to crush him, but beneath it—deeper, stronger—was determination.
I’ll make it right. Somehow. If I survive this. If Thea lives. I’ll spend the rest of my life making amends.
The promise felt inadequate, but it was all he had to offer. He pushed forward, step after brutal step. The memories continued. Relentless. Merciless. Every person he’d hurt. Every life he’d destroyed. Every choice he regretted. They battered him like physical blows. His vision blurred. Tears or blood or something else entirely.
I’m sorry. Gods, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I should have known. Should have questioned. Should have been better.
But apologies didn’t resurrect the dead. Didn’t ease their suffering.
All I can do now is move forward. Try to be better. Try to deserve the second chance she’s given me.
The light flickered. Dimming.
No. Not yet. I’m close. So close.
He fell to his knees. He couldn’t help it. The weight of his sins pressed down on him like a thousand stones. Too much. Too heavy. Can’t?—
Yes you can. Get up. Keep moving. For her. For them. For everyone who deserves better than what Lasseran offers.
Somehow he forced himself to move. Crawling when he couldn’t walk. Dragging himself forward through sheer stubborn will.
The light is everything. Focus on the light. Ignore the pain. Ignore the guilt. Just reach the light.
