Page 70 of Sunny Goes Cold Turkey
I want to punch him, but his concession at the end stops me short. I can take my anger out on him later tonight over a round of Super Smash Bros. For now, I need to figure out some things. I drag my hands through my hair, remembering too late that my hands are covered in mortar. “Yeah. Settling down, two-point-five kids, arguing over how to load the dishwasher kinda love.” I groan, running my hands down my face. “What am I going to do?”
23. Sunny Eavesdrops
Ican’t believe what I just overheard. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. I finished my phone call with Mercer, relieved to know my life back home is intact, minus the arm of one couch which was eaten by an unattended Hairy. But nothing has caught fire. Whew. I paused outside the bathroom door when I heard three words that will echo in my mind for the rest of my life: I love Sunny. I froze in place, stunned by the words spoken in Anders’ unmistakable baritone.
Now Liam is ripping him a new one and I am a statue. I can’t move.
Anders loves me?
ANDERS LOVES ME.
I’ve watched a lot of medical dramas. I know what comes next. Someone will come in here with a defibrillator and fix whatever is going on with my heart. Either it’s beating so hard and fast that it’s a steady, loud hum, or it has stopped altogether. I need a crash cart. I need some attractive actor-doctor to inject me with a dose of epinephrine. I need to plunge face-first into a heart-shaped box of chocolates. I need a white dress. I need to think this through.
Unfortunately, a critical conversation is still happening on the other side of that door and Anders says four more words that stop me cold: Two-point-five kids.
And there it is.
I’m flatlining.
While I’m caught up deciding how to do my hair for our wedding, Anders says some of the only words he could say that make me realize the wedding won’t happen. He wants a family. Of course he wants a family. I’m surrounded by evidence of that fact. Who wouldn’t want a family when they come from such a happy one? I know I do. It just can’t happen for me.
This isn’t news. I’ve been coping with this life-altering truth since the accident that took my dad also took away my ability to have children. I’ve grieved this. It’s just a sad fact of my life. But it has seriously narrowed down my potential husband pool. Not many men are family-oriented and yet don’t want children.
My only serious boyfriend, Blake, who I dated for three years, broke up with me exactly forty-eight hours after we learned that my body isn’t capable of bearing children. Besides adding injury to almost unbearable grief, it sent a clear message that really messed with my seventeen-year-old head.
It still does, apparently. Because I’m staring at the backside of a bathroom door wondering how I can break this to Anders gently, and angry all over again about my injured body.
Usually I let the information out early in the dating process before either party gets too attached. It weeds out men quickly. In fact, it seems to have weeded out every man up to this point. I’ve had a lot of three week relationships. The problem with Anders is that we haven’t technically dated. I didn’t see this coming, so I didn’t see a need to clue him into my infertility. Like an idiot, I let myself get attached. I got way too close. We’re in too deep, but we can’t keep doing this. I accidentally hoodwinked us both.
What am I going to do?
I walk downstairs, straight out the front door, and plop onto the porch swing. That’s what I do. I park myself on the dusty yellow cushion and stare past the barely budding trees to Lake Harriet. Anders told me the name of the lake when we drove up to the house yesterday.Anders. The muscles of my face draw into a scowl that’s giving me the beginning of a headache. I swipe my phone open and start a text with my mom on autopilot.
SUNNY
I done messed up, A-A-ron
It’s a joke from a silly video that has become part of the family vernacular. My mom sends a laughing emoji in response, then:
MOM
What did you do?
SUNNY
I just overheard Anders telling his family that he loves me
SUNNY
Like, two-point-five kids loves me
SUNNY
He doesn’t know that I know
SUNNY
And I haven’t told him about… you know
