Page 25 of Forever Frenzy
“I hate you,” she said, walking away from me into the tent.
“Hate me all you want. I still love you,” I replied. “I’ll never stop loving you.”
Days turned into weeks and weeks bled into months, and gradually Porschia’s anger faded into tolerance; which really meant that shelearned to tolerate my existence in The Sand. She didn’t ask me to descend into the Underworld. Maybe that was progress in and of itself.
Seth visited when he could, but kept a safe distance from his mom when he came. She was adamant that he not come too close, and he seemed smart enough to know not to push her.
Preserved in The Sand, bound here, she was eternal. Her body stopped aging. Not that she hadn’t aged well. I loved everything about her. Most days she wore strength like armor. It was the nights that she crumbled that tore me to ribbons.
Tonight was one of those nights.
I heard her cry out from inside the tent and stepped inside tentatively. She was curled into a ball, clutching a round, white pillow to her chest. Every muscle in her body tensed when I sat on the edge of the bed. “What do you want?” she snapped.
“For you to be happy.”
She snorted derisively. “Not gonna happen.”
“You plan to spend eternity like this?”
“I guess I’ll have to!” she cried.
I sighed, deflating as the air left my body. “I can’t stand to see you like this.”
“I’m sorry,” she whimpered.
“This isn’t you. You… you’re a force of nature, not sadness incarnate.”
“I can’t help it, Tage. I feel lost here.” She sat up, wrapping her arms around her knees. Flicking one of her fangs, she laughed bitterly. “I really messed up this time. Now, I’m not a wife or a mother. I’m nothing.”
Grabbing her shoulders, I waited patiently until she finally looked at me. “You will always be Saul’s wife, you will always be Seth’s mother, and you’re so much more.”
“But Saul’s dead and Seth’s gone. I’m trapped here.”
“With me. I know.”
Her eyes widened. “It’s not you. It’s just… I don’t know where I fit in now. I’m a mess.”
“You aren’t to me, Porschia. I’ve lived a hundred lifetimes, but none of them mattered until you came into the picture, juttingyour chin out to let everyone know you weren’t afraid, even though your skirts trembled. Nothing mattered until you challenged me. Until you turned and showed me that even monsters could be good where it mattered most.”
“I’m not good.”
“You are. You always have been. If you weren’t, you would have hated your mother; but instead you loved her. You still do, because you are innately good. You miss your husband because he loved you and you loved him. You miss your son because of the distance. That’s all normal. But it doesn’t mean you can’t be happy here. It doesn’t mean you can’t be happy with me, either,” I added.
“I can’t betray Saul, Tage.”
“You wouldn’t be, Porschia. And one day, you’ll see that.”
She needed her family. As much as it hurt me to admit it, she was lonely being here with me, so the next morning, I was ready for her. I knew she had absorbed some of Seth’s power when she bit him. I’d seen her wish for things and have those objects float toward her in submission. I’d seen her intensify the wind or extend the dark night when she needed it to be a few hours longer.
Now, it was time for a test.
“Good morning,” I chirped.
She groaned, but finally answered, “Morning,” in return.
“I want you to try something.”
She raised one brow as she smoothed her hair, messy from a restless night’s sleep. “What?”
