Page 34 of Feral
Without words, the recognition of what was happening passed between them. She could see it in his eyes, only rather than the disgust she was expecting, she saw the same desire she’d convinced herself was nothing more than a hallucination.
She wanted to turn and run, before she could lose whatever shred of dignity she possessed, and she intended to, but her body wouldn’t obey her. Her movements were no longer her own, and she found herself trapped as if her feet had rooted in the wooden floorboards, helpless against his approach.
“Ella.”
Her name was a rough exclamation in his usually smooth voice. He stopped a short distance from her, not nearly enough to be safe, and looked her over in mingled concern and longing. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, his gaze finally traveling back to her face. There was a predatory gleam in those eyes that made her shiver for all the wrong reasons, but it sat alongside unmistakable fear.
Fear of…her?
“It’s not fair,” Ella said, her voice cracking as she hugged herself, trying desperately to fight the heat rushing through her veins, threatening to burn out whatever reason and restraint was left within her. “You weren’t supposed to be here.”
She saw the confusion in his eyes as he frowned down at her, somehow closer than he’d been a moment ago. “I don’t understand. What are you--?”
“I saw the way you looked at me on the bus,” she answered, too overwhelmed by the force of every contradictory emotion running through her to back down or bite her tongue. That would have been the sensible thing to do, but they were well beyond that now. “All I wanted was to get away. I never meant to subject you to my presence,” she said bitterly.
His confusion only seemed to grow as he searched her face, as if he found her as mystifying as she did him. “What are you talking about?” he finally asked.
“Don’t patronize me,” she snapped. “You made it perfectly obvious you wanted nothing more to do with me that day in the office, and I’ve tried to respect that. I have. You’re the one who wasn’t supposed to be here.”
For seconds that felt like eternity, he just stared at her in silence. She could no more guess what was going on in his mind than she could believe she’d actually spoken to him like that. Mouthing off to Axel was second nature now, but this was the man even the other teachers treaded lightly around, and she’d just called him out to his face.
She didn’t regret it, either.
“Is that what you think?” he finally asked, his voice low with something that rang of disappointment.
“What else am I supposed to think?” she challenged, suddenly doubting herself. He made her do that so easily and he wasn’t even trying. “You look at me like I have the plague or something.”
“That’s not true,” he said, taking a step closer. When his hand brushed against her elbow, she jolted, but she couldn’t bring herself to move away.
“Then what is it?” she demanded, sounding more desperate than angry. And she was. She felt like she was switching between people faster than she could blink, but every variation of her wanted to know the same thing. “Why?”
“Because you make it impossible,” he answered, his voice strained with a growl. It startled her, but the sound merely stoked the fire within her rather than inspiring the fear it once might have. It was the closest she had ever seen him to losing control in any capacity, and for once, the carefully crafted veneer that hid his true feelings was crumbling away before her.
“Impossible to what?” she asked breathlessly, incapable of blinking in the blinding glare of the intensity in his gaze.
“To resist,” he answered through gritted teeth, his fingers biting into her upper arms. When had he even grabbed them? She was so close to him she could feel his body heat through his clothes and her robe. It took all her willpower not to rub up against him like the lovesick fool she’d become in an instant.
Her mind still hadn’t processed his words, but other parts of her were far ahead.
“Why do you have to?” she asked, realizing she’d put her arms around him without realizing it, her fingers slipping into his ink-black locks. It was even smoother than she’d imagined, pure silk slipping through her fingertips. The tactile sensation made her shiver.
He clutched her harder to him, and she gasped as she felt his hard body up against hers, no room to doubt his arousal. “Because you deserve better,” he muttered, his voice still an animalistic growl that had grown hard with bitterness. Nonetheless, there was something gentle and familiar in his gaze that made her feel safe. “Better than me, better than either of those idiots, but I thought at least if I pushed you toward Axel, you’d be safe.”
“Axel?” she echoed in disbelief, thinking back to Axel’s uncharacteristically charming behavior as of late. At least, up to a point. “You…why?”
He just shook his head, refusing to answer her. For once, he wasn’t even looking her in the eye.
“I don’t understand,” she murmured. As much as her heart wanted to bask in the words he’d just spoken so reluctantly, her memory wasn’t that short. “At the party, you told me to leave. That I wasn’t good enough…”
He looked up sharply and the horror on his face made her second guess herself once more. “What?” he asked in disbelief. “I would never.”
“You did,” she protested, pushing away from him while she had the presence of mind. She wasn’t going to let herself slip back into the vulnerability that had almost crushed her last time. She wasn’t sure she’d survive it the next. “You told me I didn’t belong.”
She saw the recognition in his expression, but her guard remained up even as he cupped her face in his hands. “Ella,” he said, whispering her name like a prayer. The silken tone of it was dangerously close to unwinding the resistance she’d tried so desperately to form against him. “I meant what I said, but you don’t understand. Youdon’tbelong in a place like Felidae, but it’s not because you aren’t good enough. It’s because you’re too good—too pure.” He tenderly stroked a snow-white strand behind her ear. “I was trying to protect you.”
His words reminded her of his obvious disdain for Bishop, and a trace of fear edged back into her mind. Bishop and the club, however, were still far from her thoughts. Even Axel. All she wanted was to focus on the man in front of her, and knowing that he wasn’t disgusted by her but rather trying to protect her for reasons she’d never even dared to imagine… it had unleashed the floodgates of relief, and before she could stop herself, she leaned up to brush her lips against his.
Sterling froze, a perfect statue in her embrace. His lips were so smooth and cool in comparison to the heat blazing under her skin, and when he began to return it, her head spun with bliss.
