Page 15 of Phishing for Love
“You want to talk, Tess?” my mom asks, probing gently. “You seem not yourself.”
I shrug. “It’s nothing.”
She bites her lip, clearly wrestling with what she’s about to say next. “I have to ask. Are you sure Nathan is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?”
The sound of cicadas fills the air for a moment following her question. And what a question. It slams straight into me, a weight pressing on my chest, constricting my breath.
Am I sure? I’m not sure about anything really. I’m not sure if I want to spend the rest of my life writing copy for greeting cards.I’m not sure if I want to use my savings to travel for a bit. I’m not even sure what I’m cooking for dinner tomorrow.
It’s a brutally unfair question.
I swallow. “Why are you asking me that? I thought you liked Nathan.”
“I do,” Mom says in a rush. “It’s just, well, I’m not certain if he’s the one for you. If he’s your soulmate.”
I glance over at my father and grandmother. Dad is examining his plate like it’s the Rosetta Stone and he’s been tasked with deciphering the inscriptions there. Grandma is studying me and, for once, I can’t read her usually transparent face. One thing is clear, though. This is not the first time this topic has been discussed among themselves.
I know they love me and care about my future, but it’s my life. My mistakes to make.
“Nathan is the person I want to spend my time withnow,” I say at last. “It’s enough.”
Mom nods, accepting my answer. “As long as Nathan makes you happy. That’s what counts.”
“He does,” I insist.
It’s not a lie. I’m happy with the way things are. Neither of us wants to rush into anything. We’re content to still have our own separate places, since I like my own space and so does he. Our future is loosely mapped out, but not set in stone.
Do we have the sort of intense, deeply passionate relationship that’s so often portrayed in books and movies? That Kate once had? No. A big part of me is relieved and quietly grateful for that.
In a soft voice, my grandmother says, “Don’t mistake safe and comfortable for happy.”
I look away from her too-perceptive eyes. “I’m not.”
At least, I don’t think I am.
I’ve never told anyone why I suspect I’m really with Nathan, that it has more to do with my sister than anything else. I’ve kept quiet, because I don’t fully understand it myself. In the rare moments I’ve felt pressed to tentatively explore my relationship with him, my mind senses the uncomfortable direction I’m heading in and instantly puts up cowardly roadblocks.
I take a deep, centering breath. “Actually, Nathan is taking me out to dinner tomorrow night. We’re going somewhere new.”
I’ve dropped the magic words. As I hoped, my foodie-loving family is distracted enough so that the conversation drifts to which restaurant he’ll take me. Dad delivers his customary lecture on fish and food poisoning, like I’m ten and not twenty-eight, and I nod dutifully along.
At last, when the tea is drunk and the sandwiches finished, and my grandmother’s dozing in her chair, I stand. “I have to go. Ash has been alone all day and I miss him.”
Mom sees me out. Before I climb down the porch steps to my car, she touches my arm to secure my attention. “You sure you’re okay?”
I swallow. “I’m fine. It’s just been one of those days.”
She’s not fooled. “I read somewhere that worry is a conversation you have with yourself about things you can’t change. But when you talk to someone, it can change what’s happening in your head, give you a new perspective.” She wraps me in a tight hug, giving me an extra squeeze before she lets me go. “Remember that.”
I nod, my throat tight. “I will.”
CHAPTER FIVE
“In the next couple of weeks,” Aaron announces, “I’ll be carrying out physical penetration testing.”
Everyone in the conference room immediately sits up straighter.
The man did not just say that, I think, stunned.
