Page 126 of The Broken Heart Playlist
I have no idea how much time passes before Tess appears in my bedroom and wordlessly curls up beside me on the bed. She’s here for me is the first thought that jumps into my head as I stare into my sister’s worried face. I didn’t realize how badly I didn’t want to be alone, how comforting I would find her presence.
Then I frown at her. Her presence is also confusing. For a brief moment, I’m distracted from my anguish. “Wait, how did you get in? I locked the door.”
“Don’t worry about minor details,” she says soothingly, although I swear she looks a little guilty. “What’s important is that I’m here now.”
“Yes, but how did you get in here?”
Clearly realizing I’m not going to let it go, she says breezily, “Oh, I have a key.”
“I didn’t give you one.”
“I stole yours and had a copy made.” She gives a dismissive flick of her hand. “Details aren’t important right now.”
“You stole my key,” I repeat, flabbergasted.
“Only briefly. For precisely this kind of situation.” Her expression is suddenly serious. “I’ve never used the key before today, but I always wanted to be able to get to you, if you ever needed me.”
Tears sting my eyes at her concern and love for me. I think of all the years I took her love for granted. I wish I’d appreciated her more.
“What happened?” she asks softly.
And I tell her everything, starting from the discovery of the photograph to running out of Gideon’s house. I thought I would feel a measure of relief in the telling, but an intolerable weight is still pushing on my chest.
It’s the middle of the day, but it feels like the darkest part of the night right now.
After I finish, Tess’s face mirrors my own emotions, a mixture of disbelief, confusion, and anger. “It doesn’t make sense,” she says. “I watched Gideon with you. I saw his face when he looked at you. That was a man in love. I don’t understand.”
“I don’t understand it either.”
I sit up and Tess sits up with me. A strange panic is clawing at my throat. I’m trying to draw in a deep breath, but I can’t.
Tess frowns. “What’s wrong?”
Maybe I need to be upright. Maybe that would help. I scramble off the bed and stand, trying to calm myself, but I’m gasping and tears are pouring down my cheeks. I can’t seem to ease the tightness in my chest.
Tess springs off the bed and hurries to my side. She clutches my arm, distraught. “Aaron!” she screams.
I crumple to my knees as Aaron comes running into the room. He takes one look at me, at my shaking, gasping form and the panic on my face, and immediately drops to his knees in front of me. He grasps my upper arms in a firm but gentle grip, forcing me to look at him.
“Kate, you’re having a panic attack,” he says calmly. “I’ve got you. Focus on my face. There you go. No, don’t look away. Keep your eyes on me. That’s good. Now what three things do you see on my face? Just list them in your head. Three things. That’s all. Slow down your breathing. Don’t fight it. Slow, deep breaths, in and out. You’ve got this. We’re here for you. We’re always here for you.”
His words penetrate the fog of panic, and I focus on them. I want to close my eyes, but I also don’t want to take my gaze off Aaron, because he knows. He’s been in this dark place before. When life and events overwhelm you and you can’t breathe.
Slowly, I feel air entering my lungs, my equilibrium returning, the tightness in my chest easing.
I’m not alone is the thought that centers me. All this time I thought I didn’t need anyone, but I was so very wrong.
“Are you okay?” Aaron asks quietly.
I manage a nod.
“You had a panic attack,” he says.
I shake my head. No, I didn’t. Not me. That happens to other people. I’m not the type... Oh, crap, I had a panic attack.
“But I don’t get panic attacks,” I whisper.
“They’re nothing to be ashamed of,” he says calmly. “I had one myself, when I thought I lost Tess forever.”
