Page 131 of The Broken Heart Playlist
“I miss her too,” he responds, his voice thick.
And you,his eyes say.I miss you.
In a secret corner of my mind, I remember the way Gideon looked when he told me he loved me. How safe and secure I felt in his arms. The scent of him. The way he sometimes had dinner and a glass of wine waiting for me when I arrived home from work.
I step back from all the memories swirling between us, trying to contain the flow of despair in my chest.
“I can’t do this,” I say, my voice and my heart cracking. “It’s too hard, you living opposite me, seeing you, speaking to you like this.”
His eyes are bleak, so full of sorrow and regret. “I love you,” he says. “I’ve never stopped loving you.”
No, he can’t do this to me. It’s so desperately unfair.
“I want you to leave,” I say, my voice hollow. “I want you to move out of your house.”
And out of my life.
But that’s not going to be enough, I realize. If he stays in Brown Oaks, he’ll still be in my life. I’ll bump into him at the library, in the coffee shops on Main Street, at Lisset’s school.
I can’t, I just can’t.
“I also want you to leave Brown Oaks for good,” I add. “I don’t want you anywhere in this town.”
He stiffens. “Is that what you want?”
“That’s what I want,” I say, even though I don’t really know anymore what I do or don’t want.
He works his jaw. “Kate, will you please give me a chance to explain?”
“When did you move here?” I ask abruptly. “Into your house?”
“February,” he answers reluctantly, as if he knows where I’m leading.
“We’re in October. That’s over eight months, Gideon,” I tell him. “You had eight months to explain and you didn’t.”
He bows his head, not defending himself. Probably because there is no defense. Yes, he tried to talk to me once and I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. But he could have tried again. He didn’t.
I don’t want to attack him anymore. I only want him gone.
“Will you move?” I ask him again. “If you say you love me, will you do that for me?”
He’s silent for a few seconds. Then he says, “I’ll move.”
In that devastating concession, in the raw ache in his voice, I glimpse the naked truth written on his face. He loves me. That was never a lie.
For the first time in two weeks, I feel a twinge of...something.
And I say, “You have ten minutes to explain why you lied to me.”
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
We’re both silent as we walk slowly in the shifting shadows toward my house. I suggested we talk at my place, mostly because I’m uncomfortable leaving Lisset alone in the house for too long and partly because this doesn’t feel like a conversation we should have outside.
We keep a careful distance between us while we walk. Although it’s only a few inches of space, it feels like a gaping chasm. One full of broken promises and mistrust. How do we build a bridge over a gulf so vast? It feels impossible.
With every step, I feel my doubts rising. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been sad and angry and lonely. Most of the time, the mad eclipses all the other emotions, but today, loneliness has hit the hardest. And now that I’m no longer insulated by anger, I feel bare and vulnerable. Is he catching me in a weak moment? Do I want to hand him an opportunity to break my heart all over again?
Gideon stops abruptly on the sidewalk outside my house, as if he can sense the thoughts churning in my head. We face one another in the amber arc of a streetlamp.
