Page 47 of The Broken Heart Playlist
SPRING
Playlist
“On Melancholy Hill” — Gorillaz
“Iris” — The Goo Goo Dolls
“Glue Song” — beabadoobee
“White Ferrari” — Frank Ocean
“Dreams” — The Cranberries
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“Bye, Mom!”
Lisset gives me a one-armed hug but opts to skip the farewell kiss. Watching her scamper through the school gates, her sweet strawberry scent still swirling around me, I know it’s only a matter of time before she’s a senior, throwing herself out of my car and pretending to her friends she somehow levitated to school.
As I drive away, I’m left with an ache in the center of my chest. Tess is right. This beautiful girl is going to grow up and leave me, because I’m raising her to leave. That’s my task as a parent, to raise my child to be a functional, emotionally healthy, and independent young adult. My skin suddenly feels too tight for my bones. I’m training the best and most precious part of my life to live without me. It’s a truth I’m not equipped to deal with on a Friday morning. Never mind that Lisset is only eight and this day is still more than ten years away. Ten years will go by in the blink of an eye.
It’s been an incredibly busy week. From Tuesday to Thursday, I worked on a major food styling gig. I don’t usually accept large projects like this, but the in-house food stylist at a well-known grocery chain fell sick and I was offered a lot of money to take her place for a three-day shoot.
It’s hard to say no to that amount of money.
The emergency gig meant long twelve-hour days, but it also meant I was kept so busy I was too tired to dwell on Monday’s conversation with my grandmother.
But now, driving home in the silence with no Lisset to distract me, I can’t get Grandma’s words out of my head. She struck a nerve.Too scared to get on the rollercoaster. At school, I was voted the student most likely to break a bone in some daredevil stunt. I was the first of my friends to skydive. I bungee-jumped in New Zealand and Switzerland.
But I have a child now. I can’t go throwing myself out of airplanes or off bridges. It’s my duty as a mother to behave responsibly.
Acting on my attraction to Gideon wouldn’t be responsible. It would be selfish and stupid. And, truth be told, scary.
Too scared to get on the rollercoaster.
I shake my head, trying to shake away Grandma’s words. I haven’t seen or spoken to Gideon since Saturday’s dinner with Tess and Aaron. His Jeep has been in the driveway on and off, but we haven’t spoken. Aaron’s interrogation probably put Gideon off from pursuing anything with me. If that’s the case, it’s a good thing. I’m relieved. I am. The feeling is just temporarily buried under a layer of disappointment.
After the grueling last three days, I’ve taken today off. I need to clean my house and catch up on laundry. I also want to spend quality time with Lisset this afternoon. I haven’t seen much of her this week and I miss her. Thank goodness for Tess, who picked her up from aftercare, helped with her homework, and made her dinner.
I pull into my driveway and climb out of my car.
That’s when I see Gideon sitting in his usual spot on his front porch.
I freeze. I should go inside. My house is a mess. My laundry baskets are overflowing. I was hoping to take a nap to try to get rid of the mild fatigue headache that’s been plaguing me all morning.
Gideon Walker is not on my list for today.
But as I bring my hand up to shade my eyes against the glare of a spring sun, I feel the magnetic pull of his broad-shouldered body and warm hazel eyes. As much as I hate to admit it, I like the way those eyes look at me.
My stomach tightens in indecision, Grandma’s words circling me like a carousel horse.
You have control of that microphone in your head and you need to start telling yourself kinder things...You say you want a life of stability, but deep down you’re a rollercoaster woman.
I glance at my front door. Then I look over at Gideon. I can feel him watching me.
Stuff it. I’m going to rollercoaster my way over there and talk to him.
“Crappy morning?” he asks as I flop down on the cushioned bench next to him.
