Page 90 of The Weight Of Falling
All eyes turn toward Joel. Disbelieving laughter breaks out, Sofia and Tess pull me into hugs, the guys clap Joel on the back, and glasses go up in a toast to our win.
I swallow down the unexpected emotion in my throat. Something in my chest is aching. Expanding. “How do you know about the hair ties? And the safety pin?”
Joel gives a casual shrug. “You’re prepared for your friends and anyone else who needs you. So you keep a backup hair tie and a safety pin in case of a clothing emergency.”
He looks at me then. Not in a way that suggests he’s proud he got it right.
He looks at me like he sees me.
I can’t speak. All I can do is stare at him, my heart drawing tight, as though it’s bracing for something it already wants too much.
How is it that in three weeks he knows me better than people who’ve had years with me?
All of a sudden, I’m not so sure what’s real and what’s pretend anymore.
36
Kate pops an olive into her mouth. “I’ve never seen Joel like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like he was with you on Saturday at Sofia’s. Teasing. Flirty. Fun.”
I pluck a roll from the breadbasket, tear off a piece, and drag it through olive oil. Her words thrill me. It’s been four days since trivia night, and Joel keeps circling my thoughts like a song I can’t shut off.
We’re tucked into a small corner table at Giovanni’s as the lunch crowd swells. It’s nice that it’s just the two of us. No Tess blazing with sharp commentary, no formidable Sofia in boardroom mode. I love them both, but their energy turns a room up to full volume. With Kate, the dial turns down and everything is quieter. It’s like the world shrinks to a manageable size, and we meet in the middle of it.
“Joel is so serious and stern most of the time,” she continues, reaching for another olive. “It was lovely seeing him relaxed and at ease. Not just with you, but with everyone there.”
I roll my napkin between my fingers and stare at the plate of antipasto. “You’re right, it was good to see him like that,” I say absently.
“Kenzie.” Her firm tone pulls my gaze up. “You’ve been distracted since we sat down. Something’s clearly bothering you.” Her voice softens. “Why don’t you tell me what it is?”
I take a deep breath of air scented with garlic and tomatoes. The truth rustles under my ribs, sharp and painful. I have to tell someone. And I trust Kate. She won’t even tell Gideon, if I ask her not to. “I think I’m falling in love with Joel.”
Her eyes go wide. She presses a hand to her chest.
I force a laugh, but my throat aches around it. “It sounds completely crazy, doesn’t it?”
“It’s not crazy.”
“I’ve known him for all of three weeks. We’ve only seen each other a handful of times. But every time he’s near me, my chest gets heavier and lighter at the same time. Like I can’t breathe unless he’s looking at me, but I also can’t breathe when he does.”
Kate reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “It was like that for Gideon,” she says. “He fell in love when he saw a photograph of me. He said it was like being hit by lightning, and he hadn’t even met me yet.” She looks steadily at me. “So yes, I believe you can have a soul-deep connection that isn’t measured by time.”
I reach for my pendant and hold it tight. “I’m scared, Kate.” My lips twist. “Joel is scarred. Not just on the outside, but on the inside too. I’m falling for a man I don’t even know. Who won’t let me know him.”
“I know Joel’s hiding a lot, but he’s a good man,” Kate says without hesitation. “And I don’t say that lightly. I know what it’s like to be with a man who is toxic in nearly every way.” Her voice cracks a little. “Joel is not that man.”
“What if his secrets aren’t small?” I ask. “What if they hold the power to break us?”
“That’s a valid fear,” she admits after a thoughtful pause. “I don’t know what Joel’s struggling with. I never asked, and I’m a little ashamed of that now.”
“He probably wouldn’t have told you anyway.”
She huffs out a small laugh. “Probably not. But I think one day you could ask, and he’ll tell you.”
“Do you think so?” The hope in my voice makes me flinch.
