Page 82 of Bewitched By the Sea Monster
She laughs—at something I’ve said, although the words coming out of my mouth are meaningless. But I laugh too. And I reach for her—slowly. Hoping. Unsure. Wanting to feel her, but not sure if she wants the same.
When she reaches back for me, I am…
Relieved.
That she allows my touches. And that she returns them.
And I don’t stop touching her.
Her hair, first. The lovely red hair, which has me enthralled.
My human…
Fins?
Fingers.
My humanfingerstouch her hair, while my mouth…
I know this word…
Kisses.
My mouthkissesthe top of her head. Her nose. Her cheeks. Before settling on her mouth. All the while, my hands continue touching.Feelingher, in a way I’ll never be able to do while in this body. But in the dream, I can.
And she can touch me.Feel me.Which she does, in ways that make me…
Restless.
No.
Desperate.
Once, I knew these feelings well. The desperation. The joy. The…
The…
Pleasure.
Of being with someone. Of exploring each other.Learning.Teasing. Laughing.
Once, I had felt all of this.
But it has been so long. I’ve forgotten how to feel this way.
Pippi has reminded me.
And the dream reminds me that the things I feel can never be mine. Not truly.
The worst partof an oncoming storm was the inevitability. Knowing that what was about to hit would be catastrophic but not being able to do a gosh darn thing to stop it.
There’d been a tension storm grouching over me and Jackson for days. Weeks. Years, maybe. That storm was making landfall, whether I was ready or not.
But, as with most hurricanes, it started with stillness. The peaceful calm before, when the sun still shone and you hopedthe winds would move the storm in the other direction.
I spent most of the wagon ride back to our cottage curled against Jackson, my head resting on his shoulder, my knees tucked up. Holding on, as I listened to him talk without really absorbing anything.
Around us were a half dozen or so other tourists. A family of four sat near the front of the wagon. The youngest girl played with her new kelpie stuffie while her older sister whined that she hadn’t been allowed to get anything from the shop.
