Page 105 of Control Freak
I shook my head, dismissing that immediately. “I know who you are, Shy. That’s not the problem.”
“Then what…”
I pointed. “That asshole. He told you to go home and give them your life savings. That you should get back together. You know that’s all bullshit, right?”
“Oh.” Shiloh clenched the arms of his office chair. “Yeah, he’s afraid. He’s vulnerable in prison, so I guess I understand, but?—”
“No.” My voice was too hard, and Shiloh tensed. I forced myself to take a breath and crouched down to look into his face. I was angry that his snake of an ex was doing this, but it wasn’t Shiloh’s fault. “He’s manipulating you. These guys are not your problem. You warned Jimmie, which is more than you had to do. Dalton has made the guards aware there could be a threat. Please don’t let him convince you that you owe him anything. You don’t.”
Shiloh chewed on his bottom lip, looking conflicted. “I just want to be a good person.”
“Youare.” I took hold of his right hand, so glad I could offer this small comfort. Wishing I could give him more. That I couldhold him close and make him feel safe and loved. “You’re the best person. But I don’t want to see you risk your safety. Please don’t go back there for Jimmie’s sake.”
Shiloh swallowed. Nodded. “Okay. I won’t.”
I leaned in and kissed him softly, heart aching. I wasn’t sure if he was telling me what I wanted to hear or if he’d stick to his words. I hated the idea he’d want to go back to his old life. That maybe I wasn’t enough to keep him here.
What if he wanted Jimmie back? He could give him things I never could.
“That other stuff he said,” Shiloh started. “About Mexico?—”
“That’s not for me to know,” I cut in. “I don’twantto know. It’s hard enough, knowing that I’m not giving you what you want or need without hearing everything you had withhim.”
“Don’t think that way,” Shiloh said. “You give me everything I need.”
I shook my head, smiling sadly. “We both know that’s a lie.”
“No, Holden. I won’t lie. I might want more sometimes. But Ineedyou, and whatever that means—touching or no touching—is more than enough.”
I wished I could believe that. But I wanted more with Shiloh all the time. My body wouldn’t cooperate, but Icravedhim.
I wanted to possess him, push inside, and never leave. I wanted him to be mine in every way possible.
How could Shiloh ever walk away from actuallyhavingsomething like that?
A certainty grew in my core. I had to push past this touch aversion. I had toshowShiloh he could have everything with me.
I kissed him again. Harder, this time. Deeper. Shiloh parted his lips, letting me sweep my tongue in.
My heart raced as I considered my next move. I could do this. I could fight my body and take what we both wanted.
What weneeded.
My hands trembled as I slid them under Shiloh’s shirt, coasting my palms over smooth, hot skin.
An icy rush hit my veins. My skin broke out in gooseflesh—not the good kind. Nerves all over my body fired as adrenaline poured in. I had the urge to run and hide, but I resisted.
Shiloh broke the kiss. “Holden?—”
“Touch me,” I said hurriedly. “I can handle it. Ican.”
He didn’t move, eyes wide. I ripped my hand out of his shirt, grabbed his hand, and tugged it toward me.
I was shaking now. My chest hurt, and I realized I was wheezing.
“No!” Shiloh pulled his hand away from me. “Stop, Holden.”
“But I…I can?—”
