Page 68 of Control Freak
I clenched my fists at my sides, rigid with tension again at the thought of what that would mean. No future with Shiloh or anyone else. No way to express the affection I felt for him. Just year after year of isolation.
“Holden?” Shiloh asked, voice concerned. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No.” I pushed the doubts down and refocused on the moment at hand. “You’re right. I got in my head, and I took it out on Bailey. I tend to get controlling when I’m stressed.” I winced. “Not attractive.”
“You make it look better than a lot of men.”
I chuckled. “You’re being way too nice. I know it’s a red flag. I’m working on it.”
Shiloh nodded. “Maybe you should be saying this to someone else?”
I followed his gaze to my sulking little brother. “Yeah.” I scooted my chair back. “I’ll talk to Bailey and go pick up our orders at the bar.”
Gray held up his beer in a salute. “Sounds good. I’m starving.”
I crossed to the pool tables, where Bailey was playing a game with Flynn and, by the looks of it, letting him win. Probably setting him up for a hustle when I wasn’t around.
I rolled my eyes, a lecture on the tip of my tongue. I swallowed it down as Bailey straightened.
“We’re just playing for fun,” he said, a defensive edge to his tone.
I tried to smile—and failed, if Flynn’s raised eyebrow was anything to go by.
“I know. Sorry I snapped. I just want you to have the future none of us could, you know?”
“I’m gonna do the applications,” he said. “I promise.”
“I know you will.” I nodded toward the bar. “Help me go pick up the food? Leo’s giving us the stink eye.”
“Sure.”
Flynn joined us, and we collected plates of nachos, chicken-fried steaks, and loaded fries. Shiloh had ordered a quesadilla and a side salad. He was showing more restraint than the rest of us, but then he’d had to keep in shape to perform on camera.
Maybe he’ll be done with that soon…
It wasn’t my place to be jealous or possessive, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit the idea of him giving it up made me happy. I didn’t want to share Shiloh with anyone else, touch or no touch.
We set down the plates, and everyone dug in, but I couldn’t find my appetite. I kept looking at Shiloh, thinking about what we might do soon. Thinking about what it could mean for us now that he might be able to teach. If he settled into a day job, we had a chance to really be something.
But only if I could offer him a good reason to stay.
My stomach flipped, and I set down my forkful of steak uneaten.
Shiloh frowned. “You’ve barely touched your food.”
I swallowed. “Yeah.”
“Holden…”
I could see he was on the verge of giving me another out, and if he did that, I might take it.
“Can we go?” I blurted. “I’m sorry to rush you, but…I just need?—”
“Sure,” he said easily. “I’ve eaten enough.”
There was a lull in the conversation at the table as we stood. “We’re gonna take off. Don’t stay out too late.”
“Yes, Dad,” Bailey said, but there was no longer an edge to it.
