Page 69 of Control Freak
“He can’t help himself,” Gray said with a chuckle.
“Don’t worry,” Dalton said, “I’ll keep them out of trouble.”
Having a sheriff in the family was coming in handy. Shiloh and I said our goodbyes and headed out to the car.
I knew I should talk to him, try to put us both at ease, but I couldn’t seem to find any words. The drive home was quiet. When we got there, Shiloh followed me to the door without a word, seeming to sense I wasn’t up for a conversation just now.
Banshee barked joyously and jumped against my legs when I stepped through the front door.
“Hey, girl.” I crouched, relief sweeping through me as I sank my hands into her silky fur. She settled my nerves a little.
“Lucky girl,” Shiloh said.
I tilted my head to look up at him. “You want to get lucky too?”
He grinned. “Hmm. I don’t know. Are you going to scratch behind my ears?”
“How about I just start with holding your hand?”
“Sounds good to me,” he said softly.
I stood, and he held out his hand. Just like that.
I flinched from it, then cursed myself. This was Shiloh. I could trust him.
“Sorry!” He tucked his arm close to his body, as if to hide the offending limb. “Too fast?”
“A little, yeah.”
“Okay, so…”
“Let’s go to the bedroom and get comfortable.” I smiled tightly. “This might take a while. I’ve got to take it slow.”
“Of course. You set the pace.”
My heart thundered as we walked down the hallway, my nervous system warring between excitement and terror. I wanted to touch Shiloh so badly I’d happily drop to my knees and beg for it, but the damaged little boy inside me quaked with fear that pain was just around the corner.
If my own parents couldn’t touch me with love, why did I think anyone else could?
I brushed the thought aside, knowing it was wrong. That it was just my trauma talking. But damn, it was hard to fight instincts hard-wired into me through fists and hate and pain and grief.
I paused in the doorway, and Banshee leaned against my left leg. Her steady presence reassured me. If I’d had Banshee all those years ago, she’d never have stood by and allowed me to be hurt.
“Okay?” Shiloh asked.
I loved the way he always checked in with me. I breathed through the nerves and gave him a shaky smile. “Yeah. Let’s do this.”
I crossed the room and sat down on the side of the bed. I’d originally planned for us to change and get ready for bed, but suddenly, I didn’t want to put it off anymore.
An urgency took over, my chest aching with a hollowness that only contact with another person could fill. I’d let in bits and pieces of my brothers, but that had been mostly for their sake. It was time to let someone in for me.
Banshee clambered up, crawling into my lap, and nudged my hand with her nose.
“I’m getting hand-blocked by a dog,” Shiloh joked.
“She helps me stay calm. But if you want her to go…”
“No, it’s fine.” Shiloh sat beside me on the edge of the bed, leaving a few inches between us. “How do you want to do this?”
