Page 95 of Control Freak
Shiloh laughed. “No question. You’re in a completely different league.”
“How did you get involved with him, anyway?” I asked. “You’re a grade school teacher. It seems an odd mix.”
“Well, he was a good liar,” Shiloh said. “I was taken in too easily. I thought being on my own since I was seventeen made me so street-smart, you know? I had to grow up so fast.”
I reached out, taking hold of his hand. “That must have been hard.”
He rolled his eyes. “No. You and your brothers know what a hard life is. I just had close-minded parents.”
“You lost them, the same as us,” I said softly. “You couldn’t count on them for unconditional love. That’s painful, no matter your circumstances.”
“Yeah,” he murmured. “I guess I always felt so alone and adrift. I was too quick to latch on to someone who said he wanted to offer me everything.” He shook his head. “I didn’t see the obvious red flags until it was too late.”
I took in his hunched shoulders, his downcast eyes, and mentally kicked myself.
“Well, I told you I’d be bad at this date stuff with you. Now I’m the one bringing up all the wrong topics.”
He gave a weak chuckle. “It’s okay. We’re getting to know each other, and that’s not always the lightest of topics. But I want to know you, and I hope you want to know me.”
“I do,” I said. “More than anyone else.”
Our food arrived, and we ate slices of gouda, crostini topped with goat cheese and roasted red peppers, genoa salami and other cured meats, and bread slathered with pear chutney. There were so many variations of olives I couldn’t identify them all, some tiny Peruvian peppers that were like drops of smoky sugar on my tongue, and berries to round out the platter.
Thankfully, we managed to turn the conversation to happier topics, mainly me sharing stories about growing up with my brothers.
“Axel actually had one of those old Care Bears?” Shiloh exclaimed after my last story of Axel climbing into my bed one night, bear so tattered its stuffing was half falling out and one ear was hanging by only one persistent thread. “That’s adorable. Was it Grumpy Bear?”
“Sunshine Bear, I think.”
“No!”
“Yes.” I laughed. “You wouldn’t know it now, but he was the sweetest kid. Pretty much my shadow.”
I decided not to bring up that his abandonment and neglect made him clingy and fearful of losing us too. Not to mention emotionally immature for his age. I was trying not to traumadump all over the entire date, and really, Axel wassosweet back then. I wanted to share how much I loved my little brothers without casting a shadow over those memories.
“Aww,” Shiloh crooned. “I need to see pictures!”
“He might kill me for that.”
“Please!”
I grinned. “All right, we’ll hunt down some old family albums. I’d love to show you more photos of my foster mom, but she was always the one taking the pics. I think I just have her wedding photo. She’s the reason any of us are even halfway okay.”
“You’re more than halfway,” Shiloh said.
He had such faith in me. My brothers were always supportive, but there was something different about their support. They stepped in and were a buffer for me. They took the burden of touch away when I didn’t want it.
But Shiloh was challenging me to work on myself. To keep fighting for the life I wanted to live. Pushing me forward when it would be easier to hang back and hide.
I liked that about him. I wanted to be that man, the one he believed in.
We paid the check and put on our coats, but instead of returning to the car, I led Shiloh around the back of the restaurant, toward the path that ran alongside the river.
“This isn’t the exact spot where I spent most of my time,” I said. “Too much light pollution.”
We walked down the path, far enough that the bistro’s light didn’t blot out the stars.
“See there?” I pointed up, drawing my finger through the air above us, connecting stars. “There’s Orion, the hunter. See his belt?”
