Page 73 of Cheap Shot
“Can you take this fucking seriously, please? Stop acting like…”
“A child?”
“A fucking asshole.” Cooper sighs, leaning against the locker beside him and crossing his arms. “Do you want to throw away the chance you’ve been given? Coach is just itching to find a reason to get rid of you, Cole. He has been against you being on the team from the start, and now you’ve given him exactly what he’s been looking for.”
“Yes, I know. I’m so sorry to damage your precious image,” I scoff, grabbing a fresh towel from the stack beside the lockers and running it across my body. “Just like old times, right, Coop? You having to clean up after your fuck-up brother.”
“I never called you a fuck-up, Cole.” Cooper shakes his head, dropping onto the bench across from me. “My image has nothing to do with any of this. Don’t you understand all the sacrifices I’ve made to get this opportunity for you?”
“I didn’t ask to be here. I didn’t ask to be traded. I didn’t ask for any of this.”
“You should have.”
“Excuse me?”
Cooper is the last person on the planet I would ask anything from, let alone help save my hockey career. The Wolverines have been looking for an excuse to get rid of me for years, and rightfully so. I fucked up and cost them a chance at the Stanley Cup because of my actions. I did everything and anything they asked of me to make amends, but it was never enough. Although, in hindsight, the only reason they wanted me in the first place was because of my last name.
“You should’ve asked. You should’ve told me and Beau what was going on with you in Boise. I shouldn’t have had to hear about it from Remy.”
“If I had my way, you wouldn’t have heard about it at all.”
“That’s not the point, Cole.” Cooper pushes to his feet and starts pacing again.
“Then what is the point, Cooper? Did you just want another chance to control my life? To have your little brother under your thumb to control? Isn’t having Beau as your lapdog enough?”
“Cole, I?—”
“No. Shut the fuck up, Cooper. I’ve racked my brain trying to figure out why you wanted me here. Why did you suddenly give a shit about what was going on with me?” I shove him hard in the chest, causing him to stumble. “I’m not the same scrawny kid that you ran out of our childhood home because I wouldn’t bend to your will. I wouldn’t do it then, and I won't do it now.”
This is not the place to be airing all our dirty laundry, but I can’t seem to stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth. All the thoughts and feelings that I’ve kept locked up tight come exploding out of my mouth, and I’m helpless to stop them.
“Did you ever take two seconds to think why I went to Boise in the first place? Why I chose a rival team and went to the Wolverines?”
“Because you hated me?”
“Partially, but mostly it was because I wanted to be my own person. I didn’t want to be in your goddamn shadow. Always being compared to you and Beau. This trade isn’t some gift from the gods for me. It’s my goddamn nightmare.”
“No one is trying to put you into my shadow, Cole. Stop being so dramatic. Yes, we play the same position, but that’s it.”
I scoff, knowing that there’s no way he’s ever going to understand what it’s like not to be the one in the spotlight. “Listen to yourself, Cooper. I came here to tour the facility and chat with management about joining the team because it was my best option for a chance at the Cup. I knew that. I hated it, but I knew it. They didn’t want to give me a chance until after you asked them to. The fucking team golden boy.
“I’ve been busting my ass for years to beseen. To be more than ‘Cooper and Beau Hendrix’s little brother.’ Iearnedmy spot in this league,earnedevery minute on the ice. But none of that mattered because all they wanted was you. Every coach, every reporter, every teammate compares me to you. Again. Like nothing I’ve done matters.”
“I never asked to be your goddamn mirror! Maybe if you stopped blaming me for your insecurities, you'd see I was never your enemy! Everything I’ve done for your entire life was for our family. ”
“Oh,there he is! There’s the big brother I remember—always right, always better, always looking down his damn nose at me!” I scream, throwing the towel into his face. “Did I fucking ask you to sacrifice a goddamn thing?”
“I never said that you did, but I’m your older brother. It’s my job to take care of you.”
“And whose fault is that?” Cooper flinches as if I slapped him across the face, but I don’t give a shit. “You took him away from us, Cooper. It was you. We wouldn’t have even been on that fucking mountain if it weren’t for you.”
All the memories from that day come flooding back, running through my mind in perfect clarity. I can feel myself spiraling out of control. I’m drowning in my feelings. The anger, regret, sorrow. I want to claw at my chest, feeling as if I’m suffocating and choking on them.
I scramble to my bag tucked in the bottom of my locker, searching for relief from the pain. My escape from these thoughts and emotions that are threatening to pull me under. A part of me wants to give in, but another part of me knows that once I go under, I may never come up. Thankfully, I find the bottle and shake a few pills into my hand. Without a second thought, I throw them into my mouth and swallow.
Numb. I want to be numb. I need to be numb.
“Cole.” His voice croaks, his head dropping into his hands. “It was an accident.”
