Page 84 of Cheap Shot
The basic compound is the same as Valium, but they are cut with something that helps take off the edge. What that something is, I have no idea. It’s different depending on who my supplier is, but for me, it doesn’t matter. As long as they fucking work, that’s all that I care about.
“And you know this, how? Did you get a doctorate that we weren’t aware of? Congratulations.”
Pinch. Pinch. Twist. Pinch. Pinch, Twist.
“Cut the bullshit, Hendrix.”
“I’m not bullshitting you. I have valid reasons for taking both prescriptions, and you know it. If you want to get rid of me that badly, I’m sure you can find more plausible excuses.”
“Why does everything have to boil down to me trying to get rid of you, Cole? I’m not the one abusing drugs. I’m not the one whose temper cost them the trust of their team and teammates, and I’m sure as fuck not that one begging for another chance to prove myself.”
Coach made it seem like he was planning to give me a second chance. A chance to make up for the mistakes of my past, but it seems he was just looking for more ammunition to use against me.
Pinch. Pinch. Twist. Pinch. Pinch. Twist.
“You’re right. I’m in this situation because of my own actions. Actions that I’ve been trying to make amends for over the last few years.”
Blood trickles down my wrist as I twist. My skin burns as it breaks and cracks from the pressure of the repeated movement. I need the reminder to keep it together. To find a solution to this situation because there’s nothing I can’t talk my way out of.
“This is your one and only warning. Whatever you’re taking, it ends now. No more opioids or pills of anything kind. If we find anything more than ibuprofen in your system the next time we test, you’re finished.”
“And how do you propose I do that? The tests are random, although I have a feeling I’ll be participating in every test for the foreseeable future. But it takes a minute for opioids to work their way through your system, Coach. Even if I were to stop taking them right now, there will still be traces in my tests.”
Pinch. Pinch. Twist. Pinch. Pinch. Twist.
I know I should just stop taking them and find some other way to cope, but right now, I need them. Not only the pain pills, but the others, as well. It’s the only thing that helps keep the anger and anxiety at bay. Without them, I don’t know how I’ll be able to make it through the day, let alone on the ice for practice.
Pinch. Pinch. Twist. Pinch. Pinch. Twist.
He continues to sit and stare at me, not uttering a word, so I decide to take a different approach. “Coach, you need to be reasonable. I need both of these medications for the foreseeable future, especially if I want to get back to full strength at the start of the season. I admit I may be taking them too much, but I can’t cut them cold turkey. It’s medically impossible.”
Coach has to know how dangerous it is to stop taking opiods cold turkey. I could cause irreparable damage to my body. I offered the best solution for both of us. Decrease the amount I’m taking so it's easier to explain away my test results for Coach, and I can still continue to function and keep living my life in the best way possible, because without these pills I don’t know if that’s going to even be possible.
“Then stop pushing yourself so hard,” he responds, as if it’s that easy.
“There’s no time, Coach. You and I both know that if I don’t show my worth to the owner soon, he’s going to cut me loose no matter what my brothers say. Cooper called in a favor, yes, but nothing speaks more than money.”
“Your brothers aren’t going to keep you on the team either.”
My fucking brothers. Why does everything always come back to those two? I didn’t get here because of my brothers. I didn’t become one of the leading scorers in the league because of my brothers. I sure as fuck didn’t fuck up my career because of my brothers. But no one can see past the fact that they are my brothers, and I’m sick of it.
“And I’m not asking them to. I’m asking you to allow me to have a successful recovery and the fresh start I’ve been looking for.”
Pinch. Pinch. Twist. Pinch. Pinch. Twist.
“A fresh start is what I want to give you. A chance to prove to me and everyone else that you are stronger than those pills. The same way you proved you were stronger than the bottle.”
I shake my head and push to my feet, tucking my hand behind my back to hide the evidence of my punishment. There is no sense in continuing this conversation. Coach wants me to stop using my pills, and not only do I not want to, I can't, especially if I plan on being ready to start the season.
“You are going to stand in the way of my recovery to prove a point? How many times do I need to be punished for the same mistake? I was fined, suspended, and now traded to a rival team. Please, Coach, tell me how that is going to help me grow as a player or learn my lesson?”
I turn and head for the door, but Coach calls my name. “We aren’t done talking.”
“Yes, we are. You want me to stop taking my legally prescribed medication and potentially hinder my recovery, and I refuse to do so. So either cut me loose or let me grab a shower so I can be ready for training in the morning.”
I stand there and wait for him to make a choice, but he says nothing. I’m fucking sick and tired of his shit. Either he is going to cut me or not, but I’ll be damned if I keep begging him to keep me around. Coach Mercer is going to do whatever the fuck he wants, whether I give in to his demands or not.
“If that’s all you’ve got for me, I’m going to get going.”
