Page 22 of Lighting the Lamp
“You just let him think Beau stayed late for practice or something else inconsequential?”
Cooper turns toward me like a cornered animal, shoulders tense and eyes bloodshot.
“Exactly. He’s thirteen, Alise.”
“And your point?”
“What the fuck was I supposed to say?” Cooper snaps, his voice raw. “Was I supposed to tell him that his uncle Beau dropped like a dead weight onto the ice, and we had to drag him off in front of the entire team? That nobody knows what’s wrong yet?”
The words land like a punch in the gut, but it’s not just what he’s saying; it’s how he’s saying it. Cooper pulls his entire body taut, like he’s seconds away from shattering. He clenches his fists hard, turning his knuckles bone-white, and his chest rises and falls too fast. It’s like the memory of what happened on the ice is suffocating him all over again. But this isn’t just fear for his brother; it’s the fear of letting one of his brothers down a second time, and it’s eating him alive from the inside out.
He turns away for a second, swiping a hand down his face like he’s trying to wipe the moment off his skin, but the tension stays locked in his shoulders. And suddenly, I realize he isn’t angry at me, but at the universe and his own helplessness. Yet again, Cooper Hendrix can’t fix the thing that’s broken, and it’s tearing him apart.
Parker doesn’t speak, but he shifts like he can’t bear to stay still anymore. His fingers twitch at his sides, his jaw tight with unsaid words. Cooper presses on, pacing now, his movements jerky and raw.
“You think I wanted to lie?” He stops and looks at me, eyes wild. “You think I don’t feel like shit doing it? But what the hell do you tell a kid who’s already lost his mom, almost lost his aunt, and probably worries daily about his other uncle going off the deep end? That his uncle—his hero—might not make it either?”
I try to speak, but my voice sticks. I force it out anyway. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push. But Darius is going to notice. He watches everything. He’s going to read into the silence andfigure out pretty quickly that Ramona is pretending to be okay when she’s not.”
Cooper rakes a hand through his hair like he’s trying to dig his way out of his own skull. “I just wanted to give him a little longer of bliss, a time where it doesn’t seem like his world is crumbling around him.”
I inhale slowly, trying to speak around the knot in my throat. “Okay, I get it.”
He scrubs both hands over his face, voice unraveling. “No. I know. I just… I can’t lose him, Alise. I can’t.”
“You won’t,” I say, because if I don’t believe it, I’ll fall apart right here.
Parker clears his throat, voice frayed and quiet. “Do you know if Coach is going to say something to the team?”
Cooper barks out a hollow laugh. “Coach is too busy pretending this is about safety and discipline or whatever bullshit narrative helps him sleep at night.”
“Because of Cole,” Parker says flatly.
“Because of Cole and whatever fucked-up vendetta he has against our family. He is gunning for our entire family whether we like it or not. It’s why he refused to take the payout for the last year of his contract so I could take over as head coach this year.”
The fluorescent lights buzz overhead, their hum too loud in the silence that follows. Somewhere down the hall, a machine beeps steadily, like it’s mocking the chaos raging inside all three of us. I press a hand over my chest, where Beau’s name keeps pounding like a war drum against my ribs as Cooper’s voice breaks the silence like a confession.
“Now, Beau is an easy target. The higher-ups can’t really argue when it comes to health issues. Coach can easily claim that he looked the other way for too long, but warning signs don’t look like warning signs until it’s too damn late.”
“Do they know anything about what is really going on with Cole?”
Cooper exhales through his nose. “No, but it doesn’t have a damn thing to do with Coach. He wanted to scream it from the rooftops, but it would’ve hurt Michele just as much as Cole’s career. He might be a complete asshole, but he wouldn’t have done that to his daughter.”
“Nah, he just discarded her like a piece of garbage because she wouldn’t do what he wanted,” Parker growls. “Besides, Cole is doing better now, right?”
Cooper’s voice softens, the corner of his mouth pulling up into a small smile. “Rehab and Michele are helping. They’re… figuring it out.”
Parker crosses his arms tight over his chest, like he’s holding himself together. “You think Coach is punishing Beau for it?”
“I know he is.” Cooper’s voice is gravel-thick and venom-soft. “He wants to punish Cole, but he can’t. He has no control over Michele or her career. She cut him off completely and stopped playing the perfect daughter. She chose Cole, and Coach hasn’t forgiven any of us for it.”
The silence that follows is dense with everything none of us know how to fix, but Parker is the one to break it. “I’ll talk to the team and let them know what happened.”
“You’re going to tell them about Coach Mercer being a colossal asshole with a grudge because he lost his favorite toy?” I huff, causing both men to chuckle softly.
“No, I’m going to tell them about Beau being out until the playoffs at the very least.”
Cooper shakes his head immediately. “No. I’m the captain. I have to.”
