Page 107 of Enemies with an Earl
Felixstrodeovertothe library sideboard and picked up his drink. He put it back down. He went to the settees in the middle of the room and sat. Then stood.Fuck. Where was Sam? He’d quite literally disappeared after that meeting. OnceThe Harboragehad adjourned, Felix had gone in search of Sam. And had come up empty.
He walked to the windows, scanned the fields this side of the house overlooked. Not that Sam would be out frolicking in them. He dragged a hand down his face. He didn’t even know where to look. Maybe he should go to the stables and see if Sam had ordered a horse.
A soft double-rap echoed through the room. Felix spun, hope whirling in his chest—and his gaze landed on Sam.
Felix’s frame sagged. But the relief was short-lived. Sam didn’t step into the library. His grey eyes were as elusive as smoke, unreadable, and even though he leaned casually against the door frame, his muscles flexed and twitched with tension.
“Where have you been?” Felix winced. He had really hoped for that to sound nonchalant. Instead, every bit of his panic had come out in his high tone.
Sam’s clenched jaw and furrowed brow instantly softened. They met in the middle of the library and stopped, stared, searched each other’s gazes. Felix clasped his hands behind himself to prevent himself from reaching for Sam. He didn’t know what was going on with Sam, what the uncertainty glimmering in that steely stare meant. All he knew was he didn’t want to do anything to make it worse.
“I took some air,” Sam said quietly. “I might have been coerced into sharing a whisky with your stable master along the way.”
Oh. That was…not anything Felix would have ever expected.
Sam reached up and squeezed behind his neck, a sheepish smile curling his lips. “He’s a fountain of wisdom, that man. I had gotten all twisted in my head, and he was able to straighten me out.”
Felix nodded dumbly. That was good. Malcolm was a great man to talk to. He had this way about him that instantly calmed a person. Malcolm somehow made it easier for a person to cut through the turmoil, to focus on a problem and face it with a level head.
“It was nice to have a man’s guidance,” Sam added softly. “I haven’t had that in a long, long time.”
He hadn’t had a father’s guidance. Sam didn’t have to say it outright for Felix to understand what he meant. Felix knew Sam had come to Devonford at eighteen. Knew of Sam’s lack of family, lack of willingness to share about them. But that’s where Felix’s knowledge ended. He bit on his cheek. There was quite a bit about Sam he still didn’t know.
“Was it…Ryker? Did he offend you?” Felix asked. “They’re a raucous group, my partners. Between the Kozington twins and Ryker’s…Ryker-ness… If it helps, he’s like that with everyone. No one can tolerate him. But for some reason, we’re all terribly fond of him, anyway.”
Sam shook his head, his lips teasing into an uncertain smile. “No, it wasn’t Ryker. Not in the way you’re thinking.” Sam nodded toward the settees. “Would you sit with me? I have some things I’d like to say. Some things I’ve been avoiding discussing that I really shouldn’t have.”
“Of course…” Felix was trying really hard to ignore how ominous that sounded.
They sat side by side on one of the settees. Felix took a small comfort in the fact that Sam sat close enough that their thighs pressed up against each other. That slight contact slowed the rapid staccato his heart had taken up.
Sam leaned forward, elbows on knees, and scrubbed his face with his hands. Then he blew out a breath like he was about to impart something he knew Felix wasn’t going to want to hear.
Felix’s muscles bunched, bracing for the next blow life was about to deliver.
“This past month has been… I don’t have words, Fee. It’s been absolutely incredible.” Sam straightened and turned so he faced Felix. “I let myself get lost in you, lost in us, just you and me discovering whatever was happening between us.”
Felix nodded. Waiting for the but. There was always a god-damned but.
“But we have to face reality, eventually.”
There it was. Felix tried to swallow…and failed.
“I have reservations, concerns, that I’d pushed aside. It hadn’t seemed prudent to discuss something before we really knew what this was between us. Cart before the horse, so to speak.”
“All right.” Felix’s voice came out like gravel, and he quickly cleared it from his throat. “Let’s hash them out. Whatever it is, Sam, we’ll address them.” It might sound theatrical, but there was nothing Felix wouldn’t do to make this work. To make them work. Sam had been there for Felix so many times since he’d arrived at Thornfield Hall. In such a short time, he’d proven to be a person Felix could rely on, a person Felix was safe with when his troubles overwhelmed him. He wanted to be that person for Sam, too.
Sam smiled, a small glimmer reappearing in his grey irises. Felix latched onto that minor sign of hope.
Sam tapped his head with his forefinger and winged a brow. “Logistics.”
Felix huffed out a breath through his nose. “Exactly. Let’s discuss logistics.”
Sam’s visage turned serious. “I’m not comfortable with the power imbalance between us. I cannot be dependent on you. For this to work, I have to have a livelihood of my own. It is too big a risk for me otherwise.”
“I would never abuse my power over you, Sam,” Felix rushed out. “I can settle an allowance on you. So, you are free to do as you please without needing to come to me—”
Sam winced, and Felix abruptly cut off.
