Page 131 of Enemies with an Earl
“You’ve got to be jesting,” Sam said incredulously. “Is that what this is? I’m glad you moved on so bloody easily. I hadn’t realized your efforts to marry me off were because you wanted me out of your hair. I thought you were just being daft, but clearly, I have it backward.I’mthe bloody imbecile trying to find a way for us to be together.”
Felix’s gaze snapped to Sam’s. “You what?”
“Forget it,” Sam muttered and stormed toward the door.
Felix grabbed Sam’s arm as he passed. The man kept going and dragged Felix with him until Felix managed to find his feet and yank him back.
“Bloody hell, Sam. Hold on for a minute, will you?”
Sam’s chest rose roughly as his nostrils flared, mouth pressed angrily tight. But it wasn’t anger in his shattered grey eyes, it was hurt. Hurt Felix had put there. And there it was—the slow splintering fracture. But for an altogether different reason. Because this man had only ever been rejected by the ones meant to love him. And here Felix was, doing the same thing. That wasn’t what this was, though. Felix was doing thisbecausehe loved Sam.
“It’s not at all like that, Sam. I haven’t moved on. Hell, I don’t know if moving on is even a possibility. I ambarelyholding it together. I needed the separation. It’s the only thing that’s keeping me from falling apart."
He squeezed Sam's arm, fingertips digging in, needing Sam to understand. "I will doanythingto protect you, Sam.Anything. Even if that means breaking my own heart in the process. I need you safe. A world without you—" Emotion clogged his throat, choking off his words.
He somehow managed to swallow it down. When he spoke again his voice was level. "All that matters to me is your safety. Giving you the opportunity to live a full life, a life of possibility.”A life I'll never be able to give you.A tear broke free, slid down his cheek, and in the next breath, he was in Sam's arms.
“You don’t need to fall apart, Fee. You don't need to live in a world without me. We can do this. We can make us work. That’s what the meeting today was about.Is about. You came up with a masterful plan, but you forgot the most important part.” Sam’s hand slid to cup Felix’s cheek. “You. None of it matters without you. The repaired reputation. A family. I don’t want it.”
Felix shook his head and tried to step away, but Sam didn’t let him. Sam didn’t know what he was saying. If he chose Felix, he was giving up everything. His line. His legacy. His chance at a family. His own flesh and blood children. For something that wasn’t even a possibility.
“Stop,” Sam ordered. “Stop deciding what I want. I can see it in your eyes. What you think is best for me. I know that’s what you do. You love so deeply, so fiercely, that you try to carry everyone else’s burdens. But loving someone? You have to trust them to choose what’s best for themselves. And then support them in that. Can’t you see, Fee? You did it with your sister, and now you’re doing it with me.”
Felix opened his mouth, but the words wouldn’t come. They froze before they could even form. Because he knew. Christ,he knew. The truth slammed into him with rib-cracking force, knocking the breath right from him. He was doing it again. His eyes sank closed. God, he was doing it again.
“Your problem, Fee,” Sam continued, tone gentler now. “Is you’ve convinced yourself you have to walk through life alone. But you don’t. When it gets hard, even now when it feels impossible? I’m not going anywhere. We will figure out whatever comes our way, whatever life throws at us. But we have to do it together.”
Sam squeezed Felix’s hand. “And those men waiting out there? I haven’t known them long, some of them for just the few minutes we gathered here today, but they would doanythingfor you, Fee. You have so many standing behind you. And they’ll stand behind us.”
Sam’s palm slid to cup Felix’s cheek, and Felix’s eyes squeezed shut at how painfully comforting it was. His body tried to reject it.Protect yourself, it screamed.Run before you break.
“All I am asking is that you accept help in this. Give this—us—a chance. I know the weight of responsibility you carry, but in this, you can share the burden. Me, those men out there, your sister. Let us take some of that load.”
Felix swallowed hard and nodded. “You’re right,” he agreed hoarsely. “I—I’m sorry Sam. I panicked. All I could see was you standing atop the scaffold in the square outside Newgate, rope around your neck, as a crowd cheered on, waiting for them to—” He cut off, as his throat closed over, just like the noose would do.
“Easy, Fee,” Sam whispered.
God damn it, it was such a relief to hear those words in that calming, sure voice.
Steady. Safe. Home.
“That’s never going to happen. Like you said, the House of Lords isn’t going to hang one of their own. It sets a horrible precedent. No one is safe if we turn our backs on each other, right?”
His eyebrows lifted, and he waited for Felix’s nod before continuing. “So, let’s gatherThe Harborageand do what the organization does best. Give men like us a chance to live the life we should have always been allowed to live.”
Felix set his jaw, muscles tensing with resolve. “All right. Let’s bring them in. Let’s see what we can come up with.”
66
Felix
Themengatheredbackin Felix’s study, Felix and Sam at the head of the circle, leaning against Felix’s desk. Side by side. Partners.
Felix’s heart fluttered in the hopeful breeze that had taken up in his chest. He could admit to himself now, he hadn’t explored any alternatives to the solution he’d come up with. He had latched onto the safest path, the most direct one. All that mattered to him was trying to allow Sam to have the life he deserved. The one his family had ripped from him all those years ago. He deserved the titles, the wealth, the family. Happiness. The man had lived in hiding for over two decades. Hell, he bloody deserved to live out in the light without fear.
But the journey to that path wasn’t Felix’s choice to make. He could assist; he could provide guidance and suggestions. But Sam was correct. Felix needed to listen, to allow others to contribute, especially when it involved them. Trust.
“So, we have fugitive status,” Rutledge stepped in, the parliamentarian emerging in full force. “We have the scandal of Dalreoch’s past conviction. We have Dalreoch and Bentley’s relationship. One thing at a time. Most important is obtaining a royal pardon.”
