Page 54 of Enemies with an Earl
She let her head fall on his shoulder. “Can I truly hold it against you that you love your family too much sometimes? I mean, goodness, you almost strangled a duke to defend my honor.”
Felix grimaced. “That was not my finest moment.”
Felicity chuckled softly and then broke out into uncontrollable laughter, burying her face into his shoulder as she shook against him. Finally, she pulled away and wiped her eyes. “Bloody hell, Fifi. How far we’ve strayed from the perfectly put-together facade we Jennings present to the world. Seduction and strangulation. Can you imagine what the gossips would say?”
He chuckled softly, and they both relaxed into comfortable silence, just the two of them, the muffled River Arun, and the soft tweets of nearby birds.
A few moments later, Felicity broke the silence. “Felix…can I ask you an intimate question? You don’t need to answer,” she added quickly.
Felix nodded slowly, shooting a narrowed side-eye at his sister. He had no idea where this was heading.
“Have you been with anyone besides Benedict? Since the incident…”
Felix opened his mouth, the ingrained response of “No” at the tip of his tongue. Then he stopped himself. Because he had now. “Yes.”
“Not counting Mr. Thorne,” Felicity replied, quick as a whip, as always.
“No,” he said quietly.
She rested her head heavily on his shoulder. “Oh, Fifi.” Her words were filled with sadness that hit Felix straight in the chest. “That must be awfully lonely,” she whispered.
He turned toward her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, squeezing his eyes shut tight. It was. Lonely. But he’d always had his siblings to take care of, the estate to manage, the Earldom’s reputation to uphold, things to get lost in so that the loneliness couldn’t creep in.
Except now Fitzy was married. Flick would be soon. Mother was happy with her love, Mr. Campbell. The backs of his eyelids burned, and he tried to breathe slow and deep. But all he could see was himself sitting at Father’s desk in Father’s study with everyone in his life moving on and finding love, creating families, with him watching from afar.
All because he was too broken to even take a chance on finding it for himself. Because if he put his trust in the wrong man again, he wouldn’t be sitting alone in Father’s study with the good fortune of watching his family from afar, he’d be forced to flee the country or face the end of a rope and never see them again.
“Is it because you trust Benedict?”
Felix blinked slowly, his thoughts sluggish as he returned to his and Flick’s conversation. Only ever having been with Benedict. Right.
“Yes. Benedict is safe. It was easy. It all started because we both felt like we only had each other. Benedict was just as traumatized from the incident. It was too terrifying a thought to try to find someone else, not knowing if they were truly a genuine person or merely a reformer. And I mean, that was how we had started before we decided we wanted to pursue other people, anyhow. So, we fell back on each other. Benny moved on more easily than I did. I just couldn’t—can’t. I don’t know why I can’t move past it.”
“Until Thorne.”
Felix scrubbed his face with his hands. “Bloody hell. Until that man. I swear nothing about me and Thorne makes any sense. He was a risk I never should have taken. I didn’twantto take it.”
“But you did,” Felicity said pointedly. She straightened, and he could feel her studying him, even though he faced away from her. “I swear, when I walked into your chamber, I had absolutely no idea if I needed to call for help because you two were going to kill each other or if I should run because you were about to do things I most definitely did not want to be present for.”
Felix’s face heated. He still couldn’t believe his sister had walked in on him and Thorne the night of the wholestrangle the Dukefiasco. Later that night, she’d given him quite a bit of cheek for being the world’s largest hypocrite.
Felicity chuckled. “Obviously the latter. But I’ll admit, I’m not sure I understand the whole wanting to strangleandshag someone.”
He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, the tight muscles giving a sharp twinge. “I can’t say I really understand it, either. I think…I think Thorne and I both made pretty poor first impressions on each other. And that’s usually the one that sticks, is it not? What is it Father used to always say?”
“You never get a second chance to make a first impression,”Felicity immediately recited, and they both chuckled. A rule the Jennings family lived by.
“Let’s just say, I learned the lesson he was trying to impart with that one. And Thorne is guilty in it as well.” He leaned back and closed his eyes, a smile spreading across his face. “The man was so fucking infuriating, Flick. He was unpardonably rude. And you know how I cannot stand anyone disrespecting the Bentley name.”
“Oh dear.” The amusement was thick in her voice. “You are such a bear when it comes to that. Which I fully support. Anyone who slights the Earldom of Bentley has no idea what wrath they’ve unleashed upon themselves. Poor Thorne. He was digging his grave from the very start.”
Felix opened his eyes and toed at a loose patch of moss with his boot. He stared blindly at the fuzzy green tuft. “I’m jealous of him,” he finally admitted. “Once he had an inkling of my preferences, he made his move. It was so easy for him once he knew. But even whenhewas clearly propositioningme, all I wanted to do was run.”
“Except you didn’t truly want to,” Felicity pointed out. “You were scared, and the need to protect yourself took over. But ifthat manhadn’t betrayed you all those years ago, or if you’d known with absolute certainty Thorne was safe, you wouldn’t have wanted to run.”
“I mean, obviously. The man is a treat,” he said, throwing out his sister’s words from so long ago. He bounced his eyebrows, trying to infuse some levity into the moment.
Felicity grinned back at him. “Oh, definitely. Though I think he’s a bit large to be a treat. He’s a whole bloody trifle.”
