Page 110 of Enemies with an Earl
A jagged laugh burst from Felix, brittle and pained. “Hell, look at me throwing out a level of commitment that’s probably destined to chase you off. But I would. Marry you. If I could. Just so you know, Sam. You’re it for me. I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.”
Sam swallowed thickly, still not able to form words, still trying to quiet the clamor of emotions clashing inside him. A cacophony of brilliant, melodic joy, chased by the piercing note of denial. Marriage would never be for the likes of them. But then the soft hum of contentment floated in, because all that mattered was this man, loving this man. And beneath that, the subtle, persistent drum of fear, always lingering. Because of Sam’s past. Because their love would always be a crime.
“I don’t know who your family is, Sam,” Felix said softly, interrupting the broken rhythm playing in Sam’s mind. “And you don’t have to tell me. But you deserve so much better than them. They failed you.Theyare the ones who don’t deserveyou.And all I want is to spend forever ensuring you never feel that way again.”
How had he gotten so lucky? To love and be loved by a man like this. And as much as his past still pained him, had left him with wounds that may never fully heal, knowing it all led him to Felix… He wouldn’t undo a second of it. Not if it meant losing Felix.
Did life get any better than this?
53
Sam
December 1817
Apparently, life did get even better.
Sam stood at Ash’s side in the Thornfield Hall library, a soft amused smile curling his lips as he watched the Jennings family coo over their new addition. And when Sam said Jennings family, he meanteveryone.Mr. Campbell and Weston were right there in the mix, along with Ash’s daughter Pandora, as they all fussed over the bundle currently being swayed lightly in Lady Bentley’s arms.
Felix’s sister-in-law, Georgiana, had her babe a little over a month ago. A son. At first, Sam had still seen shadows trailing Felix, as though he felt guilty he’d found an escape from fulfilling his father’s wishes. But when Sam had pointed out Felix would need to be just as involved with little Oliver’s upbringing and preparation to inherit as he would be with a son of his own…the shift in Felix had been remarkable. His steps were lighter, smiles easier, finally unburdened by the weight of having to produce an heir himself. But still honoring his father’s legacy—just in a way he was able.
Felix and Sam’s time together had been just as remarkable. The niggling insecurities Sam had been having were completely gone. They were still searching for a private tutor position for him, but now that Sam knew one was on the horizon, none of the worry remained. He was really looking forward to tutoring, too. It was that element of purpose he’d been looking for.
Lady Bentley carefully passed the babe to Felix. Felix gingerly settled the little one in his arms, smiling softly down at the bundle. He dusted one finger fondly over the babe’s button nose.
Shite.
A raw, aching surge of longing struck Sam straight in the chest. Felix’s face glowed, his smile threatening to swallow his face whole. Sam’s lungs seized, air all of a sudden very hard to come by. The man embodied pure joy. His honey-amber eyes were the softest Sam had ever seen. Love. Love for his nephew. Sam swallowed thickly. The man was meant to be a father.
Sam couldn’t hear what Felix was whispering to the babe, but whatever it was had his sister laughing and clapping her hands. He shared a quick look with his sister and began bouncing with the babe, and he and Felicity started up a lively ditty.
A soft coo came from the babe, and one would have thought someone was just given a knighthood by how the room erupted. Fitzwilliam rushed forward—tripped on the rug but was thankfully caught by Mr. Campbell—and then hurried to his brother’s side.
“He’s never done that before!”
The baby cooed again, and the room went up in cheers. Sam glanced at his best mate, whose lips were twitching.
“This family is something else, aren’t they?” Sam murmured.
“Something spectacular,” Ash agreed. He caught Sam’s eye. “Pretty unbelievable we ended up here, isn’t it? Me with my son’s betrothed. You with a man you couldn’t stand.”
Sam snorted softly. Fate had a mind of its own, that was certain.
“It’s funny,” Sam said softly. “All those things I couldn’t stand about him, the things I thought were detriments…” He shook his head. He wasn’t explaining this well.
“We all have our things, don’t we? Our flaws. Felix’s is control. He blindly holds onto control like if he lets go, he’ll drown. It’s his lifeline, the only way he feels safe and secure. He uses it as a crutch. Like I do with my flippancy. A shield that allows me to avoid anything too serious, anything too deep. It’s safe, yes? That’s what we all do—people as a whole—try to make ourselves feel safe. Which, depending on the experiences you’ve had, manifest in different ways.”
“Mmm, so you love him despite his flaws. Because you see past them.”
“Yes, and no.” He turned to Ash. “Let me ask you a question. Do you love Felicity despite her wild, reckless, and brazen behavior?”
Ash’s lips immediately curled, affection glowing in his blue eyes. “Christ, no. I love her because of those things.”
“Exactly.” His gaze drifted back to Felix. “His flaws, just as mine and yours, are a part of us. I love him because of those flaws. Does his need for control cause problems? Most definitely, especially when he makes the wrong decisions. But every single one of those decisions comes from a place of fierce devotion and intense protectiveness.Love. He’s an insufferable boor because he loves so deeply. How can I not love that about him?”
Felicity sidled up to them, and Ash tucked her to his side.
“Enjoying your family’s new addition?” he asked his wife.
