Page 111 of Enemies with an Earl
“Enjoying all the new additions.” She caught Sam’s eye. “I’ve essentially gained two new brothers.”
Sam’s heart swelled. He liked the sound of that. Which also meant… He backhanded Ash across the chest. “That makes us good as brothers. In a way. Since we’re partners of siblings.”
Ash rolled his eyes. “Sam, we have always been as good as brothers.”
“I don’t know… With all that grey hair of yours, you always seemed more like a father to me.”
Ash cursed. “I swear to all that is holy. I amtwo yearsolder.”
“Two-and-a-half,” Sam corrected.
Ash ducked down to Felicity’s ear. “Can I throttle him? Will that ruin your family’s Christmas gathering? Bloodisred.”
“I’m not sure that sort of exertion will be good for your aging heart, dear,” Felicity said while patronizingly patting Ash’s chest.
Ash sputtered, and Sam broke out into a fit of mirth. Fantastic. The Jennings family were all fantastic.
Sam’s gaze went back to the crowd in the middle of the library. His brows instantly shot together. He scanned the room, but there was no Felix. “Where’d your brother go?”
“Hmm?” Felicity leaned forward, searching the room. “My guess would be the terrace off his study. If I know my brother at all. And I know him better than almost anyone.” She caught Sam’s eye. “Even you. For now.”
Sam was definitely vying for that position. He excused himself and set off for Felix’s study. Sure enough, the French-door to the terrace was just falling shut as Sam entered the room. He reached for the door handle but paused. He quickly grabbed one of the blankets stored in a basket next to the chairs by the hearth. He had a feeling Felix had snuck outside without even grabbing his coat. He slipped outside and, yes, there he was, coatless, hands on the stone balustrade, bent over slightly like he was trying to compose himself.
Sam approached, his house shoes echoing in the quiet winter night. “What’s wrong, Fee?” His breath clouded the stark, cold air, hovering in front of him before slowly dissipating.
Felix lifted his head, eyes glassy in the moonlight. He let out a long exhale, a stream of white air whooshing from him.
Sam stepped up behind Felix. “Here. You’ll catch your death out here.” He made quick work of draping the blanket around his back, then pressed up against Felix, wrapping his arms and the blanket around them both. Felix instantly melted back against him.
Sam pressed a soft kiss to Fee’s neck. “Now, tell me. What’s on your mind?”
Felix released an unsteady breath, his firm chest shuddering lightly against Sam’s hold. “Being in there, watching Fitzy and Gigi and their little Oliver.” He paused, his body tensing. “I’msohappy for them, Sam,” he choked out. “But God damn it, it hurts. I want that. I want that so bad.”
He sucked in a jagged breath, then another, his chest surging with quick, shallow breaths.
Sam’s heart cracked at the pain in Felix’s voice. “Shhh. Easy, Fee.” He buried his head in Felix’s neck, tightened his arms and did his best to surround his man. In support. In love.
“It is something I struggle with every day,” Felix managed tightly, his hands clenched on Sam’s forearms, like he was holding on for dear life. “Of what I will never have, because fate cursed me to be born this way.”
Sam’s chest hollowed out at the words, at the heartbreak of it all. “No, Fee,” he said, his voice rough—raw with shared anguish, burning with fury at the world they lived in, shaking with resolve to prove to this man he wasn’t cursed. So far from cursed.
“You’re not cursed. Who you love is not a detriment. Do we live in a world where it is accepted? Where we can openly be with the person we love? No. The punishment for our love being discovered is nothing short of barbaric. But that doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or with me. It means there is something wrong with our world.The world needs to change, Fee.Not you. Not me. Not us.”
Sam pressed a hard kiss to Felix’s hair, blinking back the sting behind his eyes. He swallowed hard, trying and failing to rid himself of the shards of glass taking root in his throat.
“I wish I could give you what you dream of: a family, children of your own flesh and blood. If I had the power, I’d give you anything,” he said hoarsely. “Everything.”
Felix turned to face Sam and leaned back against Sam’s arms. Soft moonlight glinted off his pale cheekbones. His gaze was colorless in the night, just dark pools of desperation.
Slowly, Fee tilted his chin up and brushed a soft kiss to Sam’s lips, then rested his forehead against Sam’s. “I want to be able to love you and not worry over the consequences,” he whispered. “Is that really so much to ask…to be able to love you out loud, and not be damned for it? To have a family with the man I love?”
It wasn’t too much to ask. Not even close.
“I wish I could change the world for you,” Sam said softly.
Felix deflated with a despondent sigh.
A sigh Sam felt all the way through him, filled every corner and crevice. Because it wasn’t fair. Love was this big, beautiful gift, and he wouldn’t ever understand why people put limits on it; thought they had the right to deny it. All he felt for people like that was pity. Because in clinging to their prejudices and twisted sense of righteousness, they were only denying themselves the chance to know a love like Felix’s. They were the ones truly losing out. But Felix and Sam? They had a love worth dying for.
