Page 136 of Enemies with an Earl
He swallowed past his tight throat.
Here we go.
“Poets speak of love at first sight,” he started, a soft tremor shaking his words. His gaze dropped briefly to their joined hands, thumb brushing over Sam’s knuckles. “But that’s not what we were.” His fingers tightened involuntarily around Sam’s. “Because my heart wasn’t ready to love you when you walked into my chamber at Devonford Castle all those years ago. But even then, when you walked into that room, I felt something immediate, fierce, and physically overwhelming. I was struck by fear. But not for the reasons you’re thinking. Not for reasons I even knew at the time.”
His voice steadied, grew in strength, certainty. “It was because, when you walked into that room, my soul knew it had just found its perfect counterpart. And because of what I had been through, because of the world we live in, my body shut down to protect itself. Because my mind knew it wasn’t a possibility. Logic took over and smothered what my soul recognized.
“But over four years, you have patiently shown me how untrue that is, how some things in this life simply defy logic.” His eyes turned hot, the telltale threat of tears hovering. He blinked hard, willing them back. “You have proven time and time again that I can trust you, shown me nothing but compassion and understanding. That I can rely on you. That I can fall apart, be my most vulnerable, knowing you will carefully hold the pieces of me together until I have the strength to stand on my own again.
“You don’t expect perfection of me. You don’t expect anything from me at all except for me to be myself. I don’t think I’d been able to truly be myself until you came to live with me last autumn. I’ve worn the Bentley facade for so long, I let it become me.”
Felix shook his head, still hardly able to believe it. “Somehow you saw through it all. Had the strength to fight for me, for us, when I made it impossibly difficult for you. I ran from youthreetimes, Sam.” He brought Sam’s hands to his chest, squeezing. “Three bloody times. And you never gave up. I will never be able to put into words what that means to me.”
His eyes misted, making Sam waver in and out of focus. He blinked hard, determined to see this man clearly. “You are my strength. My center. My moon. Because just like the tide, when I run away, you’re always right there pulling me back. And while I am so grateful for all that you give me. It’s my turn to give you something. Show you how much you mean to me.”
Felix stepped back, hand going to the handle of the door behind him. Sam stared at him, lips softly parted, grey eyes glistening like moonlight shimmering on rippling waters.
“Fee, I…” Sam whispered, his voice catching.
Felix shook his head and opened the door at his back. “Come,” he whispered. “Chase after me one more time.”
And like he always did. Sam followed.
69
Sam
Sam’sheartshookinhis chest, beating so hard it blurred into a violent thrum. His mind not in a much better state. All he could do was follow those magnetic amber eyes as Felix walked backward into the library.
Felix thought he—Sam—was the moon in this relationship? If anyone held a gravitational pull here, it was the man in front of him. Sam had always been helplessly drawn to Felix. Something he couldn’t fight, no matter how hard he’d tried.
Felix paused just inside the room. That’s when Sam registered the audience they had. The room was filled with all their family and closest friends. The entire Jennings family, Mr. Campbell and his son included, stood on one side.
Ash, Felicity, and Pandora stood on the other side, joined by Lady Camoys, and Lady Yardley and her son. All four women beamed at him with shimmering eyes.
Then there was Lord Kozington and his brothers. Rutledge, Dunmore, Ironcrest, and their wives. Ryker Drake. The Chesterfields. Sam swallowed hard. Even Colborn, Ash’s son, stood with the crowd.
Where there typically lay twin settees and a coffee table, was a scattering of candles, gently flickering, framing an aisle formed by the gathered crowd.
“What is this, Fee?” Sam whispered, the words barely audible.
“I had said in my study a year ago today, for better or worse, I stand by your side. That if I were able, I’d marry you. I’d vow my life—everything I have to give—to you.”
Sam’s eyes widened, his gaze shooting to a slight movement, a man in black garb stepping into the center of the clearing at the end of the aisle. A reverend. Sam’s attention flew back to Felix.
“From the day we met, you have altered the course of my life. You changed the trajectory of what would have been a long and lonely life to one that is full, happy, complete. Sampson Everett Trenton, will you do me the greatest honor of becoming my husband?”
Husband. The word sent a shock rippling through Sam. His lungs, his heart, freezing at that one word, as though his body wanted to preserve this moment forever. Preserve hearing Fee ask him a question he never thought would be meant for him.
Emotion rose in his throat, roughening his words. “I…don’t understand.” His gaze swept over the room again before landing on the man who appeared to be a reverend.
“Reverend John Church,” Felix said, a smile in his watery voice. “Our marriage will never be legally recognized, but it will very much be blessed by God. Reverend John Church has been marrying men for years at molly houses in London.”
“Exclusively now forThe Harborage,” Ryker chimed in. A chorus of “Hear, hear!” followed.
Felix started walking backward up the aisle. “So, what say you, Sam? Will you marry me? And spend the next fortnight celebrating our union?”
Sam caught up to him in the next breath, hands gripping Felix’s hips, holding on for dear life. “Yes. Of course,” he choked out.
