Page 79 of Enemies with an Earl
Right. So, it was just Sam standing in his own way.
39
Felix
Thornfield Hall,
Jennings Family Country Seat.
Kent, England.
One week later…
Felix scrawled his signature on the letter he was writing, then folded and sealed it. He added it to the small pile in front of him. All letters addressed to members ofThe Harborage. It was nearly time for their next quarterly meeting, which was always held at Thornfield Hall.
Mother breezed into his study. “Ah, there you are, darling.” Her gaze tracked slowly over his features. She’d been doing that often lately. Assessing her son’s well-being. Her shoulders sagged a nearly discernible amount. Which meant she still saw what he’d been trying so hard to hide.
“Felix…” Her rose-gold brows knit, and there was so much mother’s anguish in that one word. Lydia Jennings would single-handedly fix every one of her children’s problems if she could.
She quietly closed the door and approached his desk, then settled against it. “You do hide it well, you know. I’ve been trying to discern what exactly it is. Your eyes have cleared. I don’t see that same haunted look you sometimes wear when your past decides to resurface. But you’re still despondent, darling.”
There was no use lying to his perceptive mother. “I’m trying, Mother,” he said quietly, fiddling with his quill.
“Perhaps it’s time you consider looking for a wife.”
His gaze snapped up to hers, eyes stretching painfully wide. His heart took off like a startled horse at the crack of a gun. It quite literally fled his chest and out the study. How on earth wasthata solution to make him feel better?
“I know, I know. Breathe, love.” She rested a hand on his wrist and that small connection eased a bit of his panic. “But even if you won’t have romantic love with your wife, you can find friendship. Your father was my best friend, Felix. I wouldn’t have traded him for anything.”
She gnawed on her lip. “You’re lonely, are you not? That is it? Your siblings are gone. This is a large house for one man. A wife,a friend, would go a long way to fixing that.”
He reached behind him and squeezed his tightening shoulder muscles.
“What about that valet of yours?”
Felix’s attention whipped to his mother’s.
“I’m not blind, darling. You’re circumspect in your actions, but I’m your mother. After a little over thirty years, I think I would know when my son is smitten with someone.”
Felix glared at his mother. Which only had her smiling at him, her nose wrinkling just like Felicity’s did when she was overly satisfied with herself.
“It’s quite common for love to be found elsewhere. Most marriages are contractual, about what each party can gain. And that could be quite the nice arrangement.” Her brows lifted knowingly. “Having your lover as your valet.”
He groaned and dropped his rapidly heating face in his hands. This wasn’t exactly a conversation one enjoyed having with their mother. But she also spoke of things like they were so easy. So simple. They were anything but.
Felix dropped his hands and met his mother’s stare. “There are a few flaws in that, Mother. Because while a husband might look the other way if a wife were to have an affair in a marriage that is purely a business arrangement, it is an entirely different matter when I am asking a person to look the other way for a relationship the entire world views as a sin.A crime.
“If I end up with someone I cannot trust? Who could use that against me? It wouldn’t be the first time a wife accused her husband of being a sodomite when the marriage started falling apart.” He turned away from her and spoke to his desktop. “I’m not sure I will ever feel safe doing that.” He’d seen happy marriages, decades long, deteriorate, turn ugly. How did anyone trust another person?
She nudged his chin up, forcing him to meet her sad blue eyes. She gently coasted her hand over his cheek. He leaned into it, like he had when he was a small child. Soaking up the affection his parents always freely provided.
“I hate what that man did to you,” she whispered. “There is evil out there, yes, but there are also people worth trusting.”
Felix smiled sadly. He wasn’t so sure.
His mother’s hand fell away. “There’s a widowed countess coming out of mourning soon.”
Felix stiffened. “Pardon?”
