Page 98 of Enemies with an Earl
Sam loved little things like that. Small things like kissing in the rain. Things like how in the groggy haze of morning, when they were still half-asleep, Felix would reach up to smooth back Sam’s sleep-tousled hair. How, without Sam having said a word, raspberry tarts started making an appearance during meals and whenever refreshments were served.
Bloody hell. They needed to have the dreaded conversation. Sam was going to go crazy if he didn’t find out where Felix stood. His chest tightened. He had to believe, based on how they’d been this past month, Felix would want him to stay. He had to. A tremor stole over him, but he didn’t think it was the residual chill.
Please, God, let me have this man.
“There are a few fireplaces kept lit to heat the orangery. Come, let’s stay warm by one until the storm lightens enough that we can make it back to the manor.”
Felix softly pressed his lips to Sam’s, then linked their hands and led Sam down a path shrouded in leafy green plants sitting on wrought iron shelving. The orangery was dim from the darkening storm, only faint light filtering through the floor-to-ceiling windows and glass-paned roof. The muted drumming rain was the only sound besides the soft thud of their boots on the slate floor. They weaved through an aisle of fruit trees, citrus heavy in the humid air, and then came to a small opening at one end of the greenhouse, where a small fireplace offered a cozy glow against the chill.
They fought with their wet coats and finally managed to extricate themselves. They hung them to dry and then settled atop a bench they’d dragged over to the fireplace, huddling close to each other and holding their hands before the warmth emanating from the hearth.
Sam cleared his throat. “I received a letter from Ash this morning.”
Felix’s gaze shot to Sam’s, a question lingering in his amber irises.
“He and your sister plan to leave Brackenridge Hollow in a week’s time.”
Surprisingly, Colborn was staying behind. There was a story there. A rakish young buck choosing to stay out in the middle of nowhere over heading to London, where all his favorite haunts were? Suspect. But Sam was really hoping he’d be asking his best mate about that via letter and not in person.
Felix rolled his lips in, teeth catching the lower one before letting it spring free. “So…a fortnight until they return to Devonford.”
“Roughly, yes.”
Felix turned so his back leaned against the low arm of the bench, and propped one foot up on the seat, hugging an arm around his knee. “And will you be going back?” Felix asked softly, his gaze flitting away.
Sam’s heartrate picked up. Because that sounded very much like Felix was nervous Sam would want to leave. And it gave him the courage he needed to say his next words.
“If you want me to go back, I’ll return. But I really don’t want to return, Fee.”
Felix’s attention was back on Sam, locked on him, poorly veiled hope reflecting in those amber eyes.
“I never once thought I wouldn’t spend the rest of my days at Devonford,” Sam murmured. “That place has been my home, mytruehome, since I was a lad of eighteen.”
Sam found Felix’s hand and gave it a tug, a silent invitation to come closer, one Felix instantly took. Felix let Sam pull him forward, shifting onto his knee and swinging his other leg up around so he straddled Sam’s lap.
Sam gripped Felix’s hips, thumb coasting softly over his hipbones. Felix’s hands went to Sam’s shoulders, absently running up and down Sam’s neck while he watched Sam. Waited.
“I never had a reason to leave. I had everything I needed there. I was content,” Sam whispered. “Until you.”
Felix’s eyes fluttered shut for a heartbeat. Relief softening his features.
“I thought I was happy,” Sam said, his voice hushed. “But I wasn’t. I didn’t know what happiness was until this month with you.” And he didn’t want it to end. He wanted to be here for holidays. He wanted to be here for Fee’s birthday in February. Christ, he wanted to be here forever.
Felix’s hands slid up to cup Sam’s face. “I’m very glad to hear that,” he said thickly. “Because Imighthave been utterly terrified to have this conversation.”
“You thought I wouldn’t want to stay?” Sam had thought he’d been obvious. Hoped he had shown, at least with actions, how he felt about this man. Though was he really one to talk?
“It’s not even that,” Felix said quietly. “Sometimes when things feel so perfect… You start to fear it’s all too good to be true.” He wrinkled his nose and blinked rapidly. “I didn’t ever think I’d have this.” His fingers tightened. “I didn’t think I could after what happened to me. Trust is so hard for me, Sam.”
Sam searched those stormy irises, a fire of emotions in their depths.What happened to you, Fee?Felix had alluded to it a few times. And there had been their catastrophic intimacy back in May. But Sam still had no inkling of what had so terribly wounded Felix.
“You don’t have to explain, Fee.” He’d been careful not to prod. When the man was ready, he’d share. Sam knew well how difficult it was to trust someone else.
“I… I think I’d like to,” he said, his voice nearly inaudibly. “I want you to know.”
His hands dropped, and his fingers fidgeted with Sam’s drooping damp cravat. Sam waited. Steady, silent, offering nothing but his presence while the rain thrummed on the floor-to-ceiling glass windows surrounding them. It was all he wanted, to be there for him, always.
When Felix finally spoke, it was to Sam’s neckcloth. “When I was twenty, I met a man. St. James’s Park is a popular cruising ground. I’m not sure if you’re familiar…”
