Page 110 of Ruthless with a Rogue
Howmuchpaincouldone human endure before it was too much?
He wouldn’t be able to tell a soul what happened after the doctor left until now.How much time had passed.It could be days, weeks, for all he knew.All he could see was Rafe’s motionless form.And all he wanted was for life to take him instead.He had no one.No one who cared for him, no one he mattered to.But Rafe?He still had Dorothea.They were all each other had.The world couldn’t be so cruel, could it?To put those two through whatever trials they’d endured, only to finally grant them freedom—and then rip them away from each other.
Take me instead.
And then Livy’d walked into the room.An avenging angel.Like she could save him.
Bloody hell.He’d said the most horrible, fucked things to her.
But, for reasons unbeknownst to him, she was still here.In his arms.
He tried to bury himself deeper into her, like he could hide inside her.His body buzzed with volatile emotions.They were trying to find their way out, threatening to rip him open.He wanted to rage, to scream, but every time he opened his mouth, a sob was all that surfaced.Wrenched from deep in his gut, like a fist drove into him and continuously tore them from him.
“I don’t understand why you’re still here,” he said roughly.
He truly didn’t.Not when he’d been horrible to her.Not when he still wanted to shove her away.Even after he’d fallen apart and soaked her shoulder with his snot and tears.He didn’t understand how that hadn’t scared her away.Or repulsed her.
Nothing scared this woman.Nothing deterred her.
Her hands softly drifted over his hair.“It’ll take a lot more than your growling to scare me off.You should know me better than that.”
“I did a lot more than growl at you,” he said stiffly.
“Mmm.Yes.You really leaned into your mask.”She lowered her voice.“I’m such a terrible, selfish arse.I’ll make them all hate me, so they won’t have a chance to hurt me.”
He grumbled unintelligibly.“Get out of my head.”She was far too perceptive.Always had been.
“No.”
“Bloody hell, you’re stubborn.”
“If you haven’t realized that by now, I think I’ve been overestimating your intelligence.”
He hiccupped a laugh, but fucking hell, it ended on a sob again.
“I’m here,” she said firmly.“Whatever you need.To talk.To hold you.I’m here.You’re not alone.”
I’m not alone.
And there he went again.He didn’t understand.It was like a dam had broken, all these disgusting emotions just poured out of him, unable to be held back.She straddled him, and he buried his face in her chest.Did as she promised.She held him while he came undone.While he finally let nearly thirty years of hurt, pain, neglect, his mother’s abandonment, his father’s abuse, go.He let it all go.
Fingers ran soothing paths up and down his back.Lips pressed reassuring kisses to the top of his head.All the while she whispered to him, “I’m here,” and “I’m not going anywhere,” and “I have you.”
She had him.No one had ever wanted to have him.
He didn’t know how long they stayed like that.Every time he quieted, thought it was over, his gut twisted, and more pain was ripped from him.She stayed with him through it all.Until he truly believed it was impossible for him to scare away this woman.
He finally calmed again, and she pulled back.He instantly lurched for her, his heart rate spiking.
“Shhh,” she crooned.
Her hand settled in his, and she tugged him.He followed her blindly, crawling on hands and knees.He barely had the presence of mind to remember he was in Rafe’s chamber.And then his back met with something sturdy, and she was back in his lap, wrapping herself around him again.The bed.She’d moved them up against the bed.He deflated against it, tucked her to him.She slowly stroked his face, and he just breathed her in, breathed in vanilla and Livy.Being in her arms was the safest he’d felt in a really long time.Ever, in truth.He didn’t think he’d ever felt safe until this moment.
For once, he didn’t need to pretend.That he didn’t care.That he wasn’t struggling.That he wasn’t broken.Because he was.He was so bloody broken.And he was terrified others would see it, see the wounded, fragile boy he still was.So, he covered it with arrogance and abrasiveness.
“Thank you,” he finally whispered.
She pulled back and met his gaze, a question shining in her eyes.
